The IHB Singles Club

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<blockquote>Some men explain their social fortune by believing they've become more attractive with age; many women prefer the far likelier explanation that male faults have become easier to overlook.</blockquote>


I'll take "stuff women overlook for three hundred, Alex."
 
Ugh...I just have to speak my mind on this one. And please no one take my ranting personally...it is based on my own life experiences.



First off...my opinion is that there appears to be a shortage of eligible bachelors because too many of the chicks whining about it aren't very eligible themselves. In the interest of fairness, where is the article about the guys complaining about not being able to find an eligible chick who isn't unattractive, lazy or, worst of all, crazy? I mean get real, ladies. If you aren't willing to put in the effort to better yourself (mentally, physically AND emotionally) then why are you complaining? If you took out the opinions of the ineligible yet "entitled" women there might not appear to be a shortage after all...I surmise it would all even out. Only the chicks who actually have something going for them have something to complain about.



Secondly: nerds...man I could go on for days about nerds and their bitching. Holding a comp sci degree from UCI and often being the only woman around in my professional life as a software consultant means that I have a) had a lot of nerd friends, b) dated my fair share of nerds, and c) heard every variation possible on the "why don't chicks want us instead of the guys who treat them poorly" complaint. Okay, here's the deal: if you look like a nerd, the likelihood of you acting like a nerd is very high. It can be difficult for a woman to know if you are the rare nerd who *will* actually treat her well. And yes, if you really, truly are a nerd then the chances of you focusing your attentions on the wrong things at the wrong times are also very high. Male nerd habits are hard to break once they get a girl and "shy" or "smart" or "talented" doesn't also necessarily mean "nice". Sorry for the tough love...but it's true.



How will a woman know if you are the rare nerd who won't (and all of these are real examples) 1) spend all weekend, every weekend, searching the Internet and Fry's ads for "sweet deals" on electronics instead of leaving the house, 2) let her sit bored on his bed while he reads slashdot every day (or insert some other website here), 3) spend all day and night installing the latest card/chip/whatever in his computer, 4) still be playing Starcraft (or insert some other game here) at 4 am while she is alone in his bed, 5) spend every lunch break playing Nintendo DS, 6) forget about personal hygiene, grooming and general cleanliness of his personal space (it's horrible but it's true), 7) be afraid or lack skills to talk to her at all (I give points to the ones who can at least chat online), 8) be more interested in the Discovery Channel than in sex, and/or 9) generally show more interest in a machine than in a human being. I realize I look like a huge attention whore after that rant, but my annoyance is with the duration or frequency of the machine love and the unbreakable, rude habits, not the machine love in and of itself. The lack of cleanliness is an exception. There is no excuse for that. Eeewww.



My strong personal opinion is that nerds' perceived inability to attract a woman has way more to do with how they act than how they look.



/rant off
 
[quote author="caycifish" date=1208412736]4) still be playing Starcraft (or insert some other game here) at 4 am while she is alone in his bed</blockquote>


Ah man, I actually quit playing Starcraft/Broodwars about 8 years ago because the girl I was dating complained. Then she went to Japan for school and, 6 months later, decided that she wasn't returning and gave me the boot.



;p



I do understand Caycifish's point. Some guys are so self-absorbed, they don't understand that they can always play video games later, but they won't get a second chance to date the same girl.



BUT



From the guy's point of view, we do what the GF asks -- quit playing a video game, drive her parents to the airport, help out at her family's store, drive her little sister to her piano lessons on weekends, etc., and the girl runs off to date someone else "more exciting" and leave us standing with the word "sucker" written across our foreheads.



Afterwards, when you speak to a mutual friend, she tells you that you did everything wrong by being too nice, should have valued your own time and space more instead of making yourself avail to her, should have made yourself more "challenging" to the girl to maintain her interest, play more head games, blah blah blah...





<Momo's mental image>



Momo: "Hey, wanna go out?"

Girl: "I donno, can you be a nerdy gentlemen and a challenging jerk at the same time?"

Momo: "YEAH BABY, I'm only avail on Tuesdays, it's a limited time offer <flirt like characters from BBC's Little Britain>"

Girl: "OH YES, the thought of you possibly dating other girls on Mondays as my competition! How exciting! I love a challenge!"

Momo: "Would you like to come back to my place? I'll show you imported Korean World of Warcraft Cheetos that I bought from a PC-Bang in KoreaTown last weekend..."



<img src="http://sc.replays.hu/images/merch/cheetos.jpg" alt="" />
 
[quote author="caycifish" date=1208412736]In the interest of fairness, where is the article about the guys complaining about not being able to find an eligible chick who isn't unattractive, lazy or, worst of all, crazy?</blockquote>
You say this as if such mythical creatures exist. Men might as well complain about not being able to smell infrared light or hear a rainbow.
 
[quote author="Nude" date=1208414630][quote author="caycifish" date=1208412736]In the interest of fairness, where is the article about the guys complaining about not being able to find an eligible chick who isn't unattractive, lazy or, worst of all, crazy?</blockquote>
You say this as if such mythical creatures exist. Men might as well complain about not being able to smell infrared light or hear a rainbow.</blockquote>


Ha ha, my luck has been to get the psycho woman whose world revolved around her. Whose decisions were based on emotion rather than anything thoughful (and said financial situtations....). I can't tell you how many women I've dated before my wife that were taking zoloft, paxcil, prozac, LITHIUM and others... jeeze.



Don't even get me started on... "what do you do?", "what do you drive?", "HOW MUCH MONEY DO YOU MAKE?"... sheesh...

anyways good luck

-bix
 
Momo,



Interesting outlook. I have seen a lot more stay at home fathers recently as well.



All I know is that my girlfriend is going to be the bread winner in the family.



I guess I got the better deal. She is better looking, makes more money, and is much nicer -=P
 
Well said caycifish!



I'm a comp sci nerd as well, but I've never felt like one of those traditional ones because I haven't fallen into the pitfalls you describe. So there are a few out there that can overcome!



BTW, I have 2 roomies that work for Blizzard, so the Starcraft reference was even funnier to me. (But I've never played 1 minute of WOW.) Although Guitar Hero has taken up some of my time ;-)
 
since I saw the Starcraft reference in here, I'll make sure to tell those that do not know (although I am sure KO knows for sure), Starcraft 2 is coming! I prefer warcraft 3 though
 
Having dated a number of "nerds" over the years, I get where you're coming from Cayci. But most of the characteristics you describe do not belong to just nerds, nerds just do it in relation to games and pcs. What about the sports guy who watches ESPN constantly, and lives his life based on what season it is (hockey, football, basketbal, baseball) and can't go anywhere when there's a game on? Or the poker player who stays out all night with his buddies? Or the car guy who lives under the hood of his car? But woe to the man that decides to make the female in his life his full time hobby then he's chastised for being too "clingy" and not having his own life/friends.



It's so easy to say all women are gold digging, lazy, overweight and/or too picky. It's also just as easy to say that all men are too immature, nerdy, they're players,cheap, etc. But all of that is just a way for us to quickly categorize all the options before us as single people. Sadly, they also stop us from getting to know each other.



I find that the more ways we have of meeting people, the more we single folks try to categorize all the options before us. I mean think about it, between cell phones (where numbers are stored indefinitely), email, myspace, blogs, various hobbies, etc. There are constant ways to stay in touch and to meet new people. We have so many options in front of us that instead of really getting to know most of them, we just chalk them up as fitting into some category that doesn't work for us.



When I look at most of the people I know that are together and happy, what I do know is that for most of them it happened, either when they weren't looking and got to know someone as not a potential love interest, or when they were really willing to open up and get to know the person and didn't make a snap decision on whether they were a good "match" in a date or two. I also know that just about every couple I know will tell me how the person they are in love with on paper isn't really their "type" for some reason.



I think if people stopped trying to "type" potential love interests and just went out with everyone and anyone who doesn't scare/ repulse them, they'd be amazed at how many people they actually do "click" with who aren't their "type".



<em>...getting off my soap box now.</em>
 
The same holds true for guys, Skek. I can't tell you how many guys I've been wingwoman for over the years that sit there going "too high maintenance" "too thick" "too many friends" etc. before they even walk up and say "hi."



It cracks me up when guys wonder how the hot chick is always with the a-hole. Guess who actually walked up to her and said hi?
 
[quote author="Shay" date=1208499668]It cracks me up when guys wonder how the hot chick is always with the a-hole. Guess who actually walked up to her and said hi?</blockquote>
That would have been me :coolsmirk:
 
heh, I caught the tongue in cheek on the second read. Sorry wasn't trying to pounce, just wanted to make sure I hadn't made it seem like women were the only picky ones.
 
I jumped on this thread thinking it would be a gathering point for single IHBers to get together, but it is a hell of a read!



My two cents regarding online dating: E-Harmony sucks. I sat through that ridiculous personality profile and was all ready to meet my match and all E-Harmony did was keep "matching" me with women over 30 miles away! I had specifically asked for women who live within 20 miles, and actually - I'd prefer 10 miles. The reality is - we live in a heavily traffic-impacted area and I don't want to spend an hour on the road just to see my significant other (or SO to be). I dated a wonderful woman who lived too far away and it ended the relationship, we couldn't just go visit each other without a major effort.



I have been on Match.com for a while and have gone on many dates. I have had relationships with two of the women I met on Match.com, but they didn't quite work out. I like the visual aspect of Match.com, because - let's face it - chemistry is real. Unless you have a pre-existing friend relationship with someone that trumps the physical (chemistry) attraction, you just aren't going to ask someone out that you do not find attractive! Also, reading profiles that women have written reveals tons that often they had no intention of revealing. Women who can't write AT ALL, or who express themselves like 13 year olds, or who are obviously looking for a sugar daddy are easily detectable by theior written self-descriptions. Also, through trial and error, I have learned the many things to look for in the photographs women post. Don't get me wrong, men can be just as deceptive as women in their Match.com profiles, but I don't spend too much time reviewing male profiles.



If you pay attention, Match.com can be a great dating resource. So are all the things mentioned above - common interests, etc. I'm always open to suggestions and still looking for the right woman! It has been an adventure, and the older I get, the less nonsense I tolerate.
 
Someone at the beginning of this thread (I've forgotten who) wrote: In all seriousness, though, as much as people hate to admit it, finances are a huge part of any relationship.



Finances are a huge part of life! Last weekend I attended T. Harv Eker's 3-day "Millionaire Mind Intensive" in Los Angeles. This guy's got it goin' on, in my opinion, including a sensible and do-able long term fiscal health strategy. Is anyone on this board familiar with Harv Eker and his philosophy about wealth?
 
is Harv single?



"E-Harmony sucks". Yes it does. It doesn't allow "my kind" of peeps on it >:-( ..... now that's a stupid business model if I ever heard one ! Cutting out 1 in 10 people... that's a lot of dough !
 
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