Prenuptial - good or bad?

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<p>How about the Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey pre-nup situation. Nick had all the money when they went into the marriage and Jessica's father (also her manager) didn't want Jessica to sign a pre-nup. Nick didn't fight the issue, and they went into the marriage <u>without</u> a pre-nup.</p>

<p>Well, when they were going through their divorce, Jessica had the most money since her career skyrocketed during their marriage. </p>

<p>Too bad for Jessica. Nick's lovin' life right now - on Jessica's dime (or millions!)</p>

<p></p>
 
<p>Marriage is like the note in the lead coffin of the <u>Merchant of Venice:</u> "Who chooseth me must give and hazard all he hath."</p>

<p>If you can't trust or have doubts about the success of the union, don't do it.</p>
 
<p>CalGal has a very good example of why a pre-nup can be unnecessary. When you marry someone, you marry his/her future downsides and upsides; therefore, past should also applied. Say you married your SO and imposed a pre-nup, and now you become disable, would you still expect your SO to support you financially while you protect your prior assets? Does not make sense to me.</p>

<p>I married my SO with assets. I even paid off all his debts. And did not even think twice about it.</p>

<p>The old Chinese way was to skip pre-nup all together and went for financial equality. </p>
 
"<em>They can take up to 1/2 of your net.</em>"





I wonder how much of this issue is a matter of perception. Whose net is being taken? If the money was earned during marriage -- a partnership -- it doesn't matter who earned it. It is not the earner's money, it is the partnerships money. During a divorce, the earner always feels like the other is taking <em>their</em> money, but this really isn't the case.





Now if the money was earned prior to the marriage, or through inheritance, perhaps an argument can be made about separate property, but money earned by the partnership should be split evenly.
 
<p>IR -</p>

<p><em>"they can take up to 1/2 of your net."</em> I think it was referring to your net income AFTER the divorce.</p>

<p>Major -</p>

<p>Although there may be little or no doubts, no one can predict the future. That certainly seems to be the case for the 1/3 - 1/2 of marriages that end up in divorce (I don't know what the updated statistics are). Anyway, I do understand your point of view - and that is why the issue or prenup versus no prenup is so sensitive. However, it's like disability insurance ... I hope I never become disable, but I certainly do have disability insurance. </p>
 
BTW, the marriage statistics in Orange County are pretty grim. I socialize with a divorce attorney in Irvine. He told me the divorce rate in OC is 67%.
 
<em>>>I socialize with a divorce attorney in Irvine. He told me the divorce rate in OC is 67%.</em>





Unfortunately, I'm not surprised. I think the So Cal Pathology (and money) have a lot to do with it.
 
>><em>Have you been down there and watched case after case of divorces getting finished? Its an eye opening experience which again reaffirms what I have been saying:


what happens in the Orange County Family Law Courtrooms is most Dads don't get custody and most Moms do get custody.





</em>

<p class="MsoNormal">I would suggest that extrapolating the cause from the result isn’t the best the method to go about discovering the cause. It’s sort of like saying that there must be a significantly large number of rich people in OC because the median price of a home is so high. </p>

<p class="MsoNormal">There are a lot of factors that go into a divorce decree. For example, does the judgment tell you how many dads agreed at the get-go to give mom primary custody? Does it tell you if dad was abusive, or if dad travels a lot for work? Maybe dad’s new girlfriend doesn’t want to see the kids because it reminds her of his former marriage. These are just examples and could very well apply to moms too, but in the same way each person is unique, so are their marriage and family situations.


</p>

If sexism was the cause, the number of custodial dads would be a lot less than 15%. (Although I would also suggest not relying on national numbers for a gripe about a local entity. I can make no representations about the laws and policies of other states.)
 
<em>If you were not already married, and think of getting hitched ... would you have any reservations about asking for a pre-nup?





</em>We haven't been married all that long. Initially, I was making more money, but then he caught up and when I took a job closer to home, he made more - and now his potential for making more over time is now higher than mine. We have no pre-nup. We both came into the marriage with various assets and debts, although he was a better saver and investor than me. On the other hand, I'm more social, a better planner, and a better cook. If one looked at the marriage solely in terms of money, I'm the laggard spouse, but if you look at the totality, I'm not because I bring other things to the table.





Unless I became seriously disabled and could not work, I would have no interest in support so long as I could obtain a job that would allow me the funds to have a modest home (rent or own) in a safe neighborhood and decent food on the table. My friends and family are more important to me than material goods.
 
<p>Eva -</p>

<p>It sounds like you guys complement each other well! (Okay, principle vs. principal .... <strong>was I supposed to use compliment instead of complement</strong>?)</p>

<p>Anyway, thanks for all your input and advice thus far ... you're very well informed and seem very level minded - so I really do value your inputs! </p>

<p> </p>
 
Okay, haven't put my two cents into this conversation yet, and now it's time for me to jump in. I divorced my ex for a number of reasons that I won't put out there, and one reason that I will: finances (big surprise, right?). He just doesn't get it - he'd never, ever agree with our (the IHB community) assessment of the housing and credit situation. Exhibit A is the McMansion he and his wife bought this spring in Coto.



Also- although IR's lawyer friend suggests a very high rate of divorce in OC, antecdotally I can tell you it feels much lower than that. As a single mom, I can tell you that it seems EVERYONE is married, wherever I go.



And finally - an impassioned "You Bet!" on the prenup idea. No way I'm getting married again without one. It's easy for me, though, since I have a son that I can use as my excuse since any man I get involved with will understand from the get-go that my son is the most important person in my life, bar none.
 
<p>ISM -</p>

<p>I love your post in one of the other threads (I think a bear about to flip thread) - I'm sure those Disneyworld memories are priceless.</p>

<p>I need to learn to be more like you.... it's early on in my career and sometimes I get too boggled down with trying to work and make as much money as possible. But, every now and then, I remember that by the time I get to retire and enjoy all the money, my back and neck will be so bad that I probably will just want to stay in bed, anyway!</p>

<p>Anyway, maybe I'll see you and kiddo at the Newport Beach food festival today? (Kevin Costner is performing - ummm... I don't know if that will be more of a reason not to go ... but it's outdoors and a fun family event).</p>
 
<p>LL,</p>

<p><em>give me some fentanyl</em></p>

<p>Are you not the one with access to fentanyl? I should be the one asking for.</p>

<p>I have been married for over 18 years to the same guy. The hubby has evolved into a completely different person for worse.. That being said, I think I am qualify to say that you have to be in control of the marriage by "setting the tone (or stage) for the marriage" to keep it intact, and you can not always can count on your SO to take charge. </p>

<p>Hubby and I chose to impose very little restriction on the marriage. Marriage itself is so difficult already, why add anymore pressure.</p>

<p>If you want your marriage to work like a business, then treat it as one all the way, so by all mean have a pre-nup and all what-if conditions spelled out. To be successful, your SO must have the same conviction.</p>

<p>Wait, does anyone need to buy and sell a house?</p>
 
<p><em>"Hubby and I chose to impose very little restriction on the marriage. Marriage itself is so difficult already, why add anymore pressure".</em></p>

<p>Dare I ask ? </p>

<p><em>"Wait, does anyone need to buy and sell a house" ?</em></p>

<p>NIR, you crack me up ! Hang in there....we'll be using you in ...say.....3 years. </p>
 
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