Raising children in Irvine

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<p>I like this thread :)</p>

<p>I'd also add that although I'm all for giving your teenage kids brand name clothes, cell phones, gadgets and the like, I'm absolutely against buying younger kids foods marketed to children (Happy Meals and so on) or corporate brands toys like Sesame Street, Disney, whatever. No matter how much they would beg for this stuff. Ruthless corporations just brainwash those poor kids with Elmo or Dora and then make their parents buy all of the related merchandise. I refuse to do it. And no junk food (I know, no vaseline will jump right at that as usual when I start preaching about organic foods :) </p>

<p>I guess the hardest part about that is to strike a proper balance between helping your kids to fit in by buying them what they need to feel confident and teaching them not to cross the line into submitting to peer pressure (many kids get picked on and laughed at by their peers b/c of the way they dress or the stuff they don't have). I'll let you know how it goes in about 16 years from now when I'm gone through my son's teenage years :)</p>

<p> </p>
 
<p>Nice Cosby reference Acpme! </p>

<p>This is probably the quote that rings closer to home at my house.</p>

<p><strong><a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001070/">Bill Cosby</a></strong>: "I brought you in this world, and I can take you out." </p>
 
<p>"Remember, they're only kids once. And those years fly by in a blink of an eye"</p>

<p>For me, that fact makes it even more important to try and instill in them good values while I've still got a chance...</p>
 
I think how children grow up has more to do with the children. My brother and I were raised on the same level of financial strictness - we got an allowance and one present per family member for birthdays and Christmas (Santa brought 2 for Christmas). I never got anything because I asked for it in the store. I suppose by current standards that's "deprived" although I didn't feel deprived at the time. I'm moderately tight with money on a day-to-day level and very tight for big-ticket items (we have 6yo and 10yo cars and no flat-screen). My brother buys a new top-of-the-line sports car almost every year and no, he's doesn't make enough money to do that comfortably. Same upbringing, different outcome.<p>



His son, by contrast, is spoiled beyond belief. Santa brought him 26 presents last Christmas. But he seems pretty casual about stuff, and I've never seen him demand anything other than things for routines like candy at the movies. He's still young but I suspect he'll be sensible about money when he grows up in spite of his father's best attempts to make him a spendthrift.
 
<em>>>I've worked with kids of all age levels as part of my internships, and I can say that no matter which level of Socio-Economic Status they had, there were people trying to look rich across the board. The nicer the image they tried to project, the uglier things were at home.</em>





I think ISB is on to something, although I think it may apply to the person's happiness, and not just the home environment. Within my own life, the times I have been profoundly unhappy, I have spent like a maniac. Otherwise, I just want all that "stuff" out of my way.
 
<p>I just look at the real wealthy people, where anything is affordable. The successful ones get out there and work, the loser/slacker/do-nothings had everything they wanted.... It seems that this would be an easy conclusion, but I get the feeling its all in how the parents raise them and have them do some type of "work".</p>

<p>From there, I guess its up to them.</p>

<p>-bix</p>
 
<p>sometimes it is not what you get but 1) how hard you work for it and 2) what is the discussion that goes along with getting things.</p>

<p>Regarding working for things - I think that this is only appropriate to a certain extent and at certain ages - i.e., toddlers are not ready to handle a lot of delayed gratification and will get mad when they must delay gratification - making them feel guilty for being mad is only going to cause more problems.</p>

<p>I imagine that there are many parents who give their children a lot yet do not talk as if they are entitled to it - the idea that one is entitled to things may come more from the attitude of the parents as opposed to the giving of actual things. It also may be related to how the parents talk about thier own things - i.e,. if kids hear thier parents talking as if they are entitled to a new Porsche then they will believe they are entitled as well......</p>
 
<p>Great thoughts by everyone here. It sounds like we have some very engaged parents reading this board. Exactly what I would expect to see in Irvine. While we all probably have slightly differing views on what is exactly the best way to raise, dicipline, and spoil our kids --- It would appear the one thing we all agree on is being highly engaged in their lives. Our involvement will be the single most important factor in their success and happiness. I see this high level of involvement throughout Irvine, and this is why I am such a strong proponent of why this such a great place to raise kids.</p>

<p>Maybe we should have an IHB playdate some time to compare notes. If you are in the area, we'll have our 4 year old at Knollcrest Park in Quail Hill tomorrow afternoon with a couple of her girlfriends from preschool. Stop by and say hi --- and then take a tour of the foreclosure action up the hill!</p>
 
Great thread. This is a topic I spend a lot of time ruminating on. Up here in Silly Valley the high number of foreign parents and high achieveing entrepreneurs lends an ethos to the educational environment where "glory" is going to Stanford and building a successful startup. I found the stated "Core Values" of our child's private school (Challenger) pefectly summarized it: "Individualism, Free Enterprise and Natural Rights". When I read that, I thought "how cool would it have been to have this sort of focus when I was that age"? So we spoil ours with private school, swim lessons, tennis lessons, piano lessons, karate lessons, and lots of playing at the park/beach. I also give them shares in my company as I acquire them through options, restricted stock grants or stock purchase plan to allow them to track their portfolio and learn about money and investing while they grow up. They're all UGMA accounts so they'll get them when they're 18. But we practice delayed gratification with toys etc. My experience is that they value me helping them learn to ride a bike or scooter or throw the baseball just as much as playing with a new toy. I'd rather spoil with intangibles that enhance long term growth than with point items designed to stimulate short term gratification and emotional indebtedness.
 
<p>Boston, </p>

<p> You missed <em>BALLROOM</em> lessons... but that's just me. I like your ideas on the shares. I've already started a few funds for he family children (niece and nephew) and hopefully I get to do what you are doing. I'm still having to deal with the parents and what skills they teach their kids about savings, spending etc.</p>

<p>-bix</p>
 
<p>blackacre...fyi... Sesame Street is a non-profit </p>

<p><a href="http://www.sesameworkshop.org/aboutus/pdf/SesameWorkshop2007.pdf">annual report</a> they do some pretty good work and I don't mind supporting them.</p>

<p>Good thread. My wife and i have 21 month old and raising a kid with good values is important to us. Luckily she's got a master's in child development/therapy (i was her first client).</p>

<p>I'd probably take ipo's approach towards raising our son. </p>

<p> </p>
 
I feel like I am late to the party on this thread. I remember when my wife and I moved to Southern California, I had discussed with her the problems of raising children in a cultural environment dominated by consumption and pretense, and she didn't think it would be a problem. It is only after being here for a while and seeing how widespread some of these attitudes and beliefs are that she sees what a challenge it can be to raise children with values we admire in Southern California. These problems are everywhere, but they are more prevalent in OC than in other areas. I lived in 5 different states in 3 different regions of the country during my adult life, and OC is more afflicted with Cultural Pathology than the other places I have lived.
 
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