Your first step into recovery is to think about yourself and what you know about yourself so far. Next, think about what you need to do to embrace and continue the positives and a strategic plan to change the negatives. The goal is confidence. Confidence in yourself and knowing what you as an individual is capable of.
Obvious issue right now is controling your emotions as they are clearly a mess. At this point you are probably feeling lonely, moments of anxiety, fear and perhaps even depression. So much of your life has revolved around this individual, so feeling like this is natural and normal as you are stepping out of your comfort zone and everday routines. You did just lose a big part of you afterall. At the same time, you probably lost friends or weakened friendships that you had prior to him. This is also normal, as you spent most of your time with him.
You will often think about him, past experienecs, what went wrong and how you will cope with your emotions. Your natural human behavior will push you to position yourself in places and situations where he might be. This is because you will be curious to see what he is doing/feeling and coping life without you. Try to avoid this, because if you place yourself in that situation, then you might also "accidently" bump into him and spark up a brief conversation. Or even a simple "hey how are you?". Then you will go home, think about what happened, think about him, and question whether or not this relationship can work again. Perhaps he might change, treat you different, and perhaps you were meant to be. So instead of having one less wound, you just gave yourself a new cut. So focus on taking your mind off him.
There are a few things you need to do. First I would pick up a hobby. I'm sure there are things you always wanted to do but never had the chance. You are your own person now and goal is to express that; to know yourself better. I would recommend that you sign up for some classes that work around your schedule and learn something new. Perhaps you can pick up cooking, not only are you learning something for yourself, but your next significant other might appreciate it as well. But the big advantage is that you are taking your mind off him and opportunity to meet new people. People that perhaps one day can offer support and perhaps even a significant other that might share the same interests as you.
Second, work on appearance. Exercise often and treat yourself. Get a manicure, pedicure, suntan and new clothes. Perhaps book an appointment with a makeover artist to give you a new refreshed look. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll like only certain parts of the makeover that you'll now incorporate into the new you. You don't have confidence about yourself. I know this because you wouldn't be feeling the way you said you are if you were a confident as a person. You'll have full confidence once you truly get to know who you are and what you want in life. This takes time and is an evergoing process.
Third is to work on support. Chances are you don't have many friends, or maybe you do but your relationships have devauled. Work on bringing these back to life, or even finding new friends. They are a necessary component in taking your mind off him and for support. Not just now, but even when you get married. It is very unhealthy to be with your significant other 24/7. You need time to be with friends. Perhaps some are with others 24/7 and yet have a wonderful relationship and don't need anybody else. But this isn't often the case. Often you will find your perfect someone, but perhaps he likes football and you don't. He might need time to watch football with his buddies once in a while. Perhaps you want to go shopping once a week, and he might not want to always come along. So this is a good time to share that with someone who does. Your significant other can't be your everything. Just because you don't spend 24/7 with each other, doesn't mean you love them less. You might even love them more. Anyway, this is off subject and something to talk about well down the road.
Once you do these things, you will naturally also want to once again...place yourself in a position where he might be. This time also to see what he is up to and how he is doing, but mainly to show off the new you. This is natural once again, and don't feel bad about it if you have the urge. Simply do it. He needs to know what he is missing. However, I warn you not to do this until you have started to stabilize your emotions and built some level of confidence. Because if you have, you will have a shield with you and not be exposed to attack. By attack I mean, sucked back into feeling like you love him and the need to be with him.
As I said, if you are confident, and emotions are in control then go for it. Spark up a conversation too. Keep it short and make some excuse to get out in case this heads to a full blown conversation. Your goal is to show the new you, show that you are happy (even if you aren't fully yet) and move on.
This will do two things for you (everybody is different, but I'm pretty sure you will feel this way) boost your confidence even more and start a new kind of feeling. Anger. You should start feeling upset and angry for wasting your time with a scrub like that. How you spent the last X amount of years when you could have been further along with your life and in a better place now. This is natural too, just be careful that you don't do anything foolish. Control this anger and come to the realization that everything happens for a reason. Understand that you needed to go through this process to get to where you are today. This part of understanding can take time, but should be a much shorter period than the lonely, feared, depressed period.
Then one day you will wake up where everything is falling into place. The anger you felt will simply disappear, brining you a new sense of hope and exitement for the future.
I want to also bring up the fact that you will want to naturaly date someone else that you meet. Your bad emotions might be so overwhelming that you will settle for someone else in a flash. Please avoid doing this. This isn't a cure, but simply a bandaid to your emotions. Your goal out of all this is understand who you truly are. What you want and where you want to go. Once you reach a point where you are satisfied in being single and can stand on your own emotionally, then it is safe to find that significant other.
Good luck to you.
