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[quote author="Trooper" date=1223772578]Me and my Canadian.



<em>http://webmail.aol.com/39155/aol/en-us/Mail/get-attachment.aspx?uid=1.21554353&folder=NewMail&partId=4</em></blockquote>
Trooper, trooper, trooper.... you can't link to webmail. You'd been doing so well, too.
 
damn. When I click it, it works. I'm not doing too good trying to get this photo on.....



Well, I would encourage all of you to please watch this video....and watch San Diego Mayor Sanders struggle to maintain his composure when he announces the change in his stance on gay marriage....and why.



I see my father in this man.



He hits all the points on why gay marriage should be legal and I couldn't have said it better myself.



Please watch. It begins to get emotional right about 1:22. I will also be posting this on the gay marriage thread.





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Thanks to Nude for helping me with my tech issue.....



Again, here is my Canadian. FreedomCM, you asked why I don't follow my heart to Canada...the answer is two-fold. One, my pension. Two, I don't think she'll have me anymore....I broke her heart with my decision....and as it turns out, mine right along with it.



<a href="http://home.comcast.net/~nudedj/TroopersCanadian.bmp">During happier times</a>
 
[quote author="Trooper" date=1223788729]Thanks to Nude for helping me with my tech issue.....



Again, here is my Canadian. FreedomCM, you asked why I don't follow my heart to Canada...the answer is two-fold. One, my pension. Two, I don't think she'll have me anymore....I broke her heart with my decision.



<a href="http://home.comcast.net/~nudedj/TroopersCanadian.bmp">During happier times</a></blockquote>
C'mon Troop, enough with the mushy pics and bring on the pr0n! ;-P
 
Hey Trooper



Thanks for sharing your background with us. I knew you were a "softie" at heart and a super person. (although you did pounce on me when I first posted here a year or so ago)



I wish you well and am glad that you use this venue as a social outlet.



I owe you some pix of the bungalows and older Victorians but have been remiss as I have been on vacation in Durango, Telluride, and Aspen. There are some great homes from the 1800s in those areas. The mountains, forests, and open undeveloped areas are certainly beautiful and would appeal to the "country girl" side of you. (except for the snow)



Stay free-be safe!!
 
Hi xsocal, long time no see. Yes, please throw up those pics.



Regarding retirement locals....that's why I lean towards Palm Springs. It has a very high gay population....and I want to grow old amongst friendlies. Hence, you will not see me buying anything in Idaho.



L.A. just doesn't have enough elbow room for me.
 
Hey Trooper



I understand what you are saying but it is a great area for a vacation with the trees turning and all.



Would you believe I am working that new "part time" career tonight from 7pm to 7am and it is forecast to be 30 degrees and 20 mph wind. Coldest night for 2 weeks. Just my good luck!! But the sunrises are beautiful.



I have a new respect for those night shift types.



Be cool-stay safe!
 
I know....I'm a Yankee fan too ! But I don't hate on the Sox....they are my 2nd choice. I went to many games at Fenway as a child.
 
Thank you so much for being brave enough to share your story. I had been philosophically opposed to Prop 8, but having your story made it much more important, and you've gotten 3 no votes from this household (me, my partner, and our daughter.)



I still don't get the pension part.... it seems as if you are saying that in CT, only a spouse can get survivor benefits. That doesn't seem fair and there are probably unmarried heterosexual couples also affected. I think those kinds of rules should change. Will they if marriage is defined as including same sex couples? Don't know. Fair or not, it seems a shame to let a financial decision that you can't control dictate your interpersonal happiness. Look at it this way.... as it stands now, no one will get your pension benefit as a survivor.... so what does it matter? (in terms of your Canadian, or any one else that may enter the next chapter of your life.)



It isn't fair, that you have to plan more extensively to ensure financial well being of a partner than the average heterosexual person. In my case, as unmarried partners, neither of us have pension plans, it's all 401K plans, and you can designate any one you want as beneficiary, as with life insurance. Houses are all in how the deed is titled... joint tenants with the right of survivorship covers any combination, married, unmarried, siblings, friends. Health information is covered by granting each other Power of Attorney status.



Don't let finances be more important than love, respect, companionship, intimacy. It might be too late with your Canadian (or not... my partner and I reconnected after nearly a lifetime....and it's wonderful!) but don't stop being open to the possibilities.
 
<em>I still don?t get the pension part.... it seems as if you are saying that in CT, only a spouse can get survivor benefits. That doesn?t seem fair and there are probably unmarried heterosexual couples also affected. I think those kinds of rules should change. Will they if marriage is defined as including same sex couples? Don?t know

</em>



I may have mispoke somewhere...but CT had civil unions available to gays....and the pension benefits would have indeed gone to the legal partner. But now, as of this Friday, gay marriage won in CT... so it's all a moot point. (GO CONNECTICUT !)



It's the states that don't have civil unions that I'm concerned about. But take my co-worker Spree and her partner Laura as an example. They had been together for 6 years and were "married" in every sense of the word....but they never took advantage of the legal status, because they were afraid that they would then be discovered as gay by my department. So everything, including Spree's pension contributions, her share of the house they owned together and ALL PROCEEDS OF THE UPCOMING LAWSUIT....will go to her blood family and Laura will get nothing.



Now I will tell you that it's their own fault for not taking the legal step....but please stop for a second to understand WHY they were afraid to do it. Only time will help this.



I think, as a gay community, many of us have a "self fulfilling prophecy."



If we don't feel that we are "worthy", many of us will live up to that label. Hence the high suicide rate, rampant drug and alcohol abuse in my community, and the oversexed nature of my 'brothers'. (but stop and think all you straight guys...if you could walk into a bar or party and get laid 3 or 4 times a night with a chick, with no strings attached.....would you do it?)



<em>It might be too late with your Canadian (or not? my partner and I reconnected after nearly a lifetime....and it?s wonderful!) but don?t stop being open to the possibilities. </em>



I'm open to it, but she isn't yet. She's not sure if she ever will be after I did what I did...and I completely understand. I'm just trying not to continually beat myself up over it. I would move to Canada in a heartbeat if she would have me. Damn the pension.



Please consider this documentary : <a href="http://www.freeheld.com/">Freeheld</a> It is about a New Jersey police lieutenant who was dying of cancer...and fighting for her gay partner to receive her pension benefits when she passed. She died before it could be won. Click on the arrow to watch a 2 minute trailer. This was 2 years ago.
 
[quote author="Trooper" date=1223729348]My folks and I have mended ways as best we know possible. It works for us as long as I don't talk about my lifestyle. I respect them, and honor their wishes.



My main point of this post was to tell you a little about "Trooper" and thank you all for being acquaintances of mine. If I had been straight, I would have been married to a Canadian. Her name is Jo-Anne and we dated long distance for several years. Eventually, Jo wanted to move to the States so we could continue our relationship....but upon further inspection of that process, found it to be hopeless. Gay marriage is not recognized by the Federal Government, therefore a Canadian could not enter the U.S. as my spouse (even if I moved to Massachusetts where gay marriage is legal). I was too scared to move to Canada where it is legal...and broke off the relationship due to circumstance.



That was 3 years ago. I still haven't gotten over it/her and don't really want to yet. So, I spend lots of time here talking with all of you. Some people have commented on how I have time for all this posting.. now you know. I pretty much just keep to myself here in L.A....waiting for my next chapter.



So, in a nutshell.....if gay marriage was legal and recognized by the Fed...and my Canadian could have immigrated here....you would probably not have gotten to know me so well. But now I find myself single, with much time on my hands....missing someone I should have married....and not wanting to move on just yet.



Please vote no on Proposition 8.....and think of me when you are doing so. I will be eternally grateful and you will be making your mark in history.



My name is Stacey.</blockquote>


Hi Stacey! My name is crackercakes. :P



First, I can't imagine what it would be like to be prevented from the one I love. I truly can't imagine a person, a thing, a religion, or even a law that would prevent me from being with the person I love and want to be with. Your post really makes me appreciate what I have, and how I know I will never take it for granted. I really hope that everyone can take a step back and try to place themselves in similar shoes as yours and try to see if they can understand how you must have felt and continue to feel. I mean, think... how would you feel if a person, thing, religion, or law prevented <em>you</em> from being with the person you love. There is no way to understand it the way that you have, unless they really have, but hopefully just the thought of that will induce the same empathy and frustration that I have felt in reading your story.



Second, and since you have opened this up to your personal life, I would like to ask some questions. If they are too personal, and you would rather share them in private, then feel free to do so. But, I think you will see where I am going with this, and I also am close to sharing my experience with gay family members to prove some points. While it would be great that you could be with the person you want, but everyone here, and myself, would not have the opportunity to get to know you, and you wouldn't have been able to share your experience and open some minds. I think there will be some positives from this, and you should be proud of them.



How long were you with JoAnne?



What made you feel she was the one?



If the law were different, how different do you think your life would your be right now?



I know that you were scared of up and moving to Canada, but what were the points that made it more important for you two to have a life here in the states? Who would be the one to give up more?



How is your relationship with JoAnne now, and if things were to change in your favor, what are your chances of rekindling what you once had? Is she with someone else? Or are the broken hearts forever broken?



That is a start, and I have more questions too. I will ask more over time, but I want to start slowly to show how you are no different than me or any other straight person.
 
<em>How long were you with JoAnne?

</em>

Jo and I were together for two years physically, but 4 years emotionally now.



<em>What made you feel she was the one?</em>



I felt complete with her. She filled so many voids in my life and loved me unconditionally. When we were together, nothing else mattered and I felt invinceable. When I looked at her face and her smile, I thought she was the best thing since sliced bread. You know what I'm talking about....that sudden burst of pride you feel sometimes....like...."wow, look at her...and she's with ME!" I was very proud of her. She is also a police officer in Canada and won a medal for saving a woman's life after she had a heart attack. Jo did CPR and brought her back from the dead....the woman now is on the speech circuit tour encouraging all businesses to have defibrillators....and continues to be a wife and mother to her 3 children.



The fact that I haven't gotten over her yet just solidifies how much I think that "she's the one." I'm very resistant to "moving on".



<em>If the law were different, how different do you think your life would your be right now?

</em>

Oh my gosh, I would be married and perhaps have a child. At a minimum, I would have an adopted Chocolate Lab named Cal (after Cal Ripken, Jo's favorite).



<em>I know that you were scared of up and moving to Canada, but what were the points that made it more important for you two to have a life here in the states? Who would be the one to give up more?

</em>

Jo wanted to move to the States. She was tired of her job up there....and come on....many people wish they were Americans (don't flame me, I'm very patriotic). She is also estranged from her family, with the exception of one brother. These estranged family situations are very common in the gay community....that's why our relationships are so important to us. Many times, our partners ARE our only family. Also, I was in a better position financially than she was. I already owned a home and she had come to be accepted by my friends and neighbors. In researching what I could do for work up there, and still continue to be able to afford my mortgage, I figured I would probably lose my house. I love that house.



It was very frightening for me to think about moving to Canada due to her family estrangement. She is not the type of person who surrounds herself with friends either, so it would have basically just been me and her. That was too scary for me....I felt like I didn't have a safety net.



In hindsight, this was very selfish of me and I will forever regret it....but when it became clear that she could not legally come here, I panicked when the ball was suddenly in my court. She actually suggested that she was willing to come here and be an illegal alien...but of course, with my job, that was not an option. I would have been fired if it had been discovered.



<em>How is your relationship with JoAnne now, and if things were to change in your favor, what are your chances of rekindling what you once had? Is she with someone else? Or are the broken hearts forever broken?</em>



Jo and I actually just started communicating again 1 1/2 months ago, after a year of none. About 3 months ago I found her on facebook and requested that she "add" me as a friend. The request hung there for about a month, and she finally bit and accepted it...(I almost had a heart attack when I got that confirmation email from facebook).....and we started talking again. She does this disappearing thing, I suppose to protect herself emotionally. I had so much to say to her in a short time, I think I freaked her out. I did get out there that I was now willing move to Canada and marry her (because I know the Fed will take forever in approving her to immigrate here as my spouse)...and she listened but said she had to think about it. I mean, I had one week to say all of these things to her, because I know her penchant for "going away".... I wouldn't have said so much in such a short time if I knew she would continue to stay in communication with me. I wanted to apologize and make sure she knew exactly where I was emotionally. We tentatively made plans to see each other in Toronto, just for dinner, so I planned a trip home to CT and was supposed to have flown out this afternoon. I was going to drive up to Toronto and we were going to meet at a restaurant she had always spoken about wanting to go to. But a week later, she changed her mind and said she needed more time, so I've cancelled the trip for the time being. (alright, you are making me tear up here)



She has dated one person since, but is single.



Now I haven't heard from her in 10 days. I've emailed and called a few times and left messages, but she has not responded....Now I sit and wait because I don't want to push her. But I'm afraid she's disappearing from me again....so I'm really at a loss for what to do next.



I think that if I ever do see her again, I will probably fall on my knees and be overcome with emotion.



<em>That is a start, and I have more questions too. I will ask more over time, but I want to start slowly to show how you are no different than me or any other straight person.</em>



Sometimes I wish I hadn't learned to be so careful about money matters...because my future pension was ultimately the final factor when I made my decision. So how shitty am I ? I chose money over the love of my life.



I have received many PM's regarding my story and I want to thank each and every one of you publicly. If sharing this experience helps one parent understand their child, or one family member or co-worker gain acceptance, then I've done my job.



Thanks G.
 
Uh, I guess I have an update.



I was just on facebook and clicked on Jo's page. When I first found her, and she accepted the add request, I had written her a one liner that said something like, "there you are stranger, how are you?". For those of you that aren't familiar with facebook, when you post a message like that, a picture of your face (profile pic) posts next to it.



So, everytime I'd look at her fb page, my photo would be on it and my message.



She's now deleted it.



So, uh...I think I might have my answer.



Sad Trooper.
 
<span style="font-size: 15px;"><strong>A decade without Matthew Shepard.</strong> </span> R.I.P. October 12, 1998



I have met Matthew's mother Judy and the Chief of the Laramie, Wyoming Police Department. I drove to Laramie and visited both the Fireside Bar and stood in reflection at the fence post where Matt died. I honor his life and his death and plead with you all to stop this hateful and divisive climate that exists in the U.S. We are still dying at the hands of hate mongorers. We are being murdered and outcast by society because of who we are. If you believe in g-d, then you must believe that g-d made us this way for a purpose. What that is, remains to be seen.



I have been the victim of a hate crime. I had someone call me in the middle of the night (and I know it was a police co-worker...but never was able to prove it) and whisper into my message machine...."I want to F*CK you, you dyke!" Now tell me how you would feel at 3:00 am when that phone call came through. In that background I could hear a sort of party atmosphere....so to him, making that call was a big joke. I had a non-listed phone number and the only ppl who knew my # were fellow State Troopers.



Don't underestimate the damage that you can do with mere words.



<a href="http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1847328895/bctid1849005765">Rest in Peace Matthew Shepard</a>



Melissa Etheridge wrote a song in tribute to Matthew, called Scarecrow. Because the bicyclist that found him tied to the fence, at first glance, some 18 hours after being left there in the cold, thought he was a scarecrow.



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<img src="http://www.boxturtlebulletin.com/btb/wp-content/uploads/2006/07/GayHangingIran.jpg" alt="" />



<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mahmoud_Asgari_and_Ayaz_Marhoni">Mahmoud Asgari and Ayaz Marhoni hung in Iran in 2005 because they were gay....they were teenagers in love</a>



<em>Under some interpretations, Shari'a (Islamic Law) permits <strong>the death penalty for homosexual acts</strong>, but the Convention on the Rights of the Child, of which Iran is a signatory, forbids the execution of juveniles. According to Asgari's lawyer, Rohollah Razaz Zadeh, "death sentences handed to children by Iranian courts are supposed to be commuted to five years in jail" [6], but the Supreme Court in Tehran upheld the death sentence. The ages of the boys remain unclear, with some sources claiming they were <strong>fourteen</strong> and <strong>sixteen</strong> at the time of their arrests and sixteen and eighteen when executed[citation needed]. By Iranian law, males are considered adult at age 15.</em>



I have a wonderful friend who lives in Palm Springs. He was born and raised in Egypt, but left there 15 years ago to escape to the United States. Why, you ask ? Because he is gay... and since he is a Muslim, would such be relegated to death should he be discovered. He was my neighbor in Long Beach prior to moving to P.S. He can never return to Egypt, the land of his birth.



WAKE UP AMERICA !! This is still happening.....all around you.
 
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