Would you want to know?

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Firstly, you're projecting what you think is her intention.

Secondly, IMHO, you're basically doing the exact same thing to her as you're accusing her of doing to the other mother.

In nutshell, she gossiped.  Gossiped about what the child said happened at the house.  Schools have a wide range of laws they need to comply with in dealing with any abuse situation information they get regarding the student or suspect.  There are mandatory reporting requirements. 

Do either of you think it may warrant a call to CPS?  If not, why not, if so, why haven't you?
 
nosuchreality said:
Secondly, IMHO, you're basically doing the exact same thing to her as you're accusing her of doing to the other mother.
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the teacher telling socal about this other mom is not even close to the same thing as socal discussing this on some internet site.  there is no chance of us knowing who the lady involved in the domestic issues is. there is a pretty good chance socal knows or can find out who the mom is based on what the teacher said. she already knew the boyfriend/"dad"
 
rkp said:
aren't you doing exactly what you said the teacher shouldnt have done by posting everything on the internet?
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My thoughts exactly. Next time you are in a similar situation with the teacher you could act disinterested, change the topic, do something to let the teacher know that you are not a willing participant in the conversation.
 
Wow. Absolutely not. There is a big difference between anonymous information vs. Naming & Shaming. I would not have had a problem with the teacher if she hadn't identified the family. If a teacher said these things to another student's parents about MY family FOR ANY REASON, I would be absolutely livid.

The whole point of this thread was what the subject line says: "Would you want to know". It was a simple Yes or No question. The point was not to receive damnation for bringing it up to begin with. But then again I should have learned a lesson from IrvineHousewife's vaccination thread that some posters are incapable of polite, intelligent conversation.

 
bitmaster20 said:
rkp said:
aren't you doing exactly what you said the teacher shouldnt have done by posting everything on the internet?
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My thoughts exactly. Next time you are in a similar situation with the teacher you could act disinterested, change the topic, do something to let the teacher know that you are not a willing participant in the conversation.
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Did you read my post? Like I said, I did. I brushed it off that the info could be false and gave her a dirty look. I didn't invite her out for coffee to discuss further.
 
SoCal said:
Wow. Absolutely not. There is a big difference between anonymous information vs. Naming & Shaming. I would not have had a problem with the teacher if she hadn't identified the family. If a teacher said these things to another student's parents about MY family FOR ANY REASON, I would be absolutely livid.

The whole point of this thread was what the subject line says: "Would you want to know". It was a simple Yes or No question. The point was not to receive damnation for bringing it up to begin with. But then again I should have learned a lesson from IrvineHousewife's vaccination thread that some posters are incapable of polite, intelligent conversation.
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No it's not. You're rationalizing. Why did the teacher tell you?  Simple, she senses someone that's receptive.  It's obvious you're receptive because you're doing the same thing just hiding behind internet anonymity and rationalizing that it's not the same.

Is anybody calling CPS or is every just running their mouths and keyboards?

It's junior high girl clique manufactured drama.

She did it in person, you had an opportunity to just look at her and say "you shouldn't be spreading that around" bluntly.

So I'll say it bluntly.  You're gossiping.  We just don't know exactly who about yet, although I'm sure many on on the board do.

 
SoCal said:
Back to rkp: Intention matters. My intention was to figure out how to best help this lady. It sounded like the teacher's intention was to shame the family among their peers. (She is one of those women with a "man hater" personality in general.) I don't have a group of friends to talk to outside the community so I came here because I consider some of you friends. I feel bad for this lady having to deal with that and now this. I was hoping to solicit a female's opinion (trace, CZ...) or, I guess, any of you men who have been a victim of abuse at the hands of your wife - not likely. I was only looking for constructive comments. That's fine if you don't like my post, feel free not to - but I'm comfortable with it because I know what's in my heart.
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SoCal said:
The whole point of this thread was what the subject line says: "Would you want to know". It was a simple Yes or No question. The point was not to receive damnation for bringing it up to begin with. But then again I should have learned a lesson from IrvineHousewife's vaccination thread that some posters are incapable of polite, intelligent conversation.
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I am not giving you damnation but rather questioning your post.  I have had multiple friends figure out who I am and they are lurkers on TI.  You have posted your real name and where you live before so its not hard to believe that people might send their kids to the same school as you and might even know you.  I know you think its anonymous but with the amount of info you gave about the boy, the fact that his guardian is an active volunteer, in your sons class, etc all can easily help identify the person if my child was attending the same school.  Its a smaller world than you think, esp a community site like this.

To answer your initial question, the best thing to do is tell the school administration and let them decide if they want to tell the mother or not.  You don't need to tell her but the teacher should be reported to the administration.  If you really have cause for concern about the child's safety at home, you need to call CPS.  Otherwise, I think its really wrong to assume that the mother is hitting the child and pass judgement on her parenting because the child is aggressive. 
 
I agree with nosuchreality and RKP.  SoCal, I know you mean well and was looking for advice, but probably better if you delete this thread.
 
[Deleted]

Since a previous commentator admonished me for not being more blunt, here is the bluntness you are looking for:

I'm not interested in bickering. I'm not asking for opinions anymore, don't want 'em, don't need 'em, and haven't valued them except for one or two, especially the off-topic ones. Leave me alone. Run along now.


... For the person who PM'd me, yes you are very smart and figured out I changed some of the details about the incident. I think you're the only one who got that so far, I didn't get any other messages about that or see it in the thread. (The name I gave you in the PM, "Kevin", was obviously false but I'm sure you knew that already. That goes without saying.) I am unapologetic about my posts and with every reply, become moreso. The details are important to illustrate the magnitude of what we're talking about, puts everything in context. I have zero regrets about reporting the teacher. My one regret is who I chose to discuss it with. I continually (for years) have made the mistake of over-estimating the participants on TI, giving them the benefit of the doubt, which is something not many here give me in return - particularly when you were not there like I was, you do not know these people like I do, and you do not know me.

 
irvinehomeowner said:
In before this gets PatStar'd.
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I seriously don't know how you've managed not to comment before now. Never seen this kind of restraint ever before. I'm impressed! Your hands must hurt from sitting on them.  :P (That was NOT a fat joke.)

I can't say thanks for your support - that one goes to Qwerty - but I can say thanks for not kicking me when I'm down. I know it must have been hard for you not to.

 
I was just thinking about this thread today because I was reading the confidentiality disclosures for volunteers at my son's school. But then I came on TI and saw that you don't want any more opinions but I want to post anyway...Socal, you can delete this if you don't want it here.

But anyway, if the teacher said this to me, I'd lose all respect for her--SO inappropriate. I don't think I'd escalate it beyond that, because it's not really my style. Plus, losing my respect is punishment enough. Haha.

Would I want to know if I were the mom? Yes...and no. I would kind of want to know that a teacher was talking about me, but there wouldn't be much I could do, especially since the whole class also knew and the kids may have told their parents. So overall, I think I wouldn't want to know. Ignorance is bliss. So I wouldn't tell the mom (unless maybe I hated her) because it would just cause her pain and embarrassment.

It's just overall a bad situation and I hope the mom finds the help she needs.
 
Yeah, I get what you're saying. Same as you, I thought about not saying anything and didn't for the first 3 months. I was on the fence. This actually happened in the spring. I didn't go into the office before school let out because I mistakenly thought I could contact somebody through e-mail if/when I was ready. Then I realized there is no way to contact anybody at all down there and had to stew about it all the way until September. I did a lot of thinking during the summer. There were 2 other incidents that happened to my family personally as a result of this teacher's choice to break our trust as well over the course of the year. One with my boy - really upset about that one - and one with me directly. I never said anything about it because I wanted to give her a chance, trust that she means well, maybe she was just having a bad day. However, now this teacher has violated the "parent handbook" at least twice. Once I remembered this teacher plans to re-apply for another position at our school next year, I decided that was the motivation I needed to say something - in case they plan to have her back. I always tell my boy don't be afraid to talk to the teacher - she is there to help you. Well, he did and she failed him while completely undermining me as a parent. Never want that to happen to another kid. The principal's secretary assured me they do not stand for this (the family's info she told me) and in her 20-something year career, she says this has never happened as far as she knows. That's good. I hope that's true.
 
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