Would you want to know?

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socal78

socal78

Well-known member
If your child's teacher was spreading gossip to another parent regarding delicate information about your family involving domestic violence (which truly did happen, not a lie), would you want to know about it? Or would you NOT want the other parent to tell you in order to save you the embarrassment? (I.E. just handle it themselves, don't involve you.)
 
SoCal said:
If your child's teacher was spreading gossip to another parent regarding delicate information about your family involving domestic violence (which truly did happen, not a lie), would you want to know about it? Or would you NOT want the other parent to tell you in order to save you the embarrassment? (I.E. just handle it themselves, don't involve you.)
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Definitely tell me so I can confront the teacher.  If that doesn't work, I would move it up the chain of command.
 
Irvinecommuter said:
Definitely tell me so I can confront the teacher.  If that doesn't work, I would move it up the chain of command.
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The teacher does not have a position at the school this year due to declining enrollment. She is now at another school in the district. However, she hopes to return to this school in the future.
 
SoCal said:
Irvinecommuter said:
Definitely tell me so I can confront the teacher.  If that doesn't work, I would move it up the chain of command.
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The teacher does not have a position at the school this year due to declining enrollment. She is now at another school in the district. However, she hopes to return to this school in the future.
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Doesn't matter.  I would confront him/her anyways.
 
yeah if i told a teacher something in confidence and she told another parent, i would want to know. the embarassment already happened when the teacher told the other parent, they just dont know about it yet.
 
qwerty said:
yeah if i told a teacher something in confidence and she told another parent, i would want to know. the embarassment already happened when the teacher told the other parent, they just dont know about it yet.
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The child told the teacher. The parent probably doesn't even know the child spilled the beans to begin with.
 
SoCal said:
qwerty said:
yeah if i told a teacher something in confidence and she told another parent, i would want to know. the embarassment already happened when the teacher told the other parent, they just dont know about it yet.
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The child told the teacher. The parent probably doesn't even know the child spilled the beans to begin with.
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what i said still stands in this case.
 
I should rephrase that. Apparently the child spilled the beans to the whole class. However, I'm the only parent that I'm aware of who the teacher told directly. I'm upset about this.
 
SoCal said:
I should rephrase that. Apparently the child spilled the beans to the whole class. However, I'm the only parent that I'm aware of who the teacher told directly. I'm upset about this.
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Doesn't matter.  Teachers should know better than that.  It's one thing if the teacher was reporting the violence as a mandatory reporter but it's not in this case. 

Not to mention the fact that it's not true. 

I would confront the teacher and get his/her side of the story.
 
Irvinecommuter said:
Not to mention the fact that it's not true. 
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All signs point to it being true. Not just from what the teacher said but from what I know myself as well.

 
I think the kid's mom would be terribly embarrassed if I told her I knew. Women typically hide domestic incidents, feel ashamed. If it was me, I'd have a hard time not feeling very awkward at my kid's school. I'd almost rather that person just handle it without telling me. Save face.

I went to the school office a few hours ago to report the teacher & request they talk to their staff about professional behavior.
 
Tyler Durden said:
I wouldn't say anything... bad things happen to snitches
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Do you mean to the office?... or to the lady? I already said something to the office.

Kid told the whole class mom got choked out(!) by her boyfriend. Boyfriend got arrested, went to jail for the night. When he got out, he stole the family dog and drove off. This is what the teacher told me because one day I was working a shift the boyfriend normally did. I said I was surprised the spot was available because I thought he filled it. That's when she explained why he abruptly stopped showing up to help out. I really didn't need to know that. She could have just said he can't do it anymore, didn't need to go into all this detail about domestic abuse / arrest, etc. I do 100% believe it happened but still, I gave her "that look" and told her we don't even know if that's true - kids say the craziest stuff sometimes. She didn't get the hint, just kept going on about it.

I did a lot of volunteer work for the class. I knew this boyfriend - talked to him every day at school. He was very involved as a "dad". Around the time the kid said this, the "dad" stopped showing up when previously he was picking up the boy each day & seemed super involved. I sent him an email asking if we could switch our schedules. Never heard back. Prior to that, he would email me back right away. Something was up. I ran into him at the grocery store. He had the most terrified look in his eye. Nervous laughter, looked like he wanted to run away. Didn't want to answer when I asked where he's been. I looked at his G+ account and saw has moved so I guess they broke up. Now the kid is in our new class again. He's a real problem child. Gee, I wonder why.  :( What's weird is, the day I met him a year ago, I went home & told Mr. SoCal that this guy gives me the creeps. He tried way too hard to project a "good guy" / Father of the Year image but it  comes off saccharine sweet. "Thou doth protest too much."

I'm also concerned if I did tell the mom, maybe she would beat the kid. I don't want to put the boy in danger.

Btw, parents, as a room helper I have to tell you, every single thing that goes on in your home is discussed at school by your lower-grade child. I've only come across maybe 1 kid who hasn't divulged private info. The teachers hear so much and so do the parent volunteers. Frightening, isn't it?  :)
 
SoCal said:
Tyler Durden said:
I wouldn't say anything... bad things happen to snitches
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Do you mean to the office?... or to the lady? I already said something to the office.

Kid told the whole class mom got choked out(!) by her boyfriend. Boyfriend got arrested, went to jail for the night. When he got out, he stole the family dog and drove off. This is what the teacher told me because one day I was working a shift the boyfriend normally did. I said I was surprised the spot was available because I thought he filled it. That's when she explained why he abruptly stopped showing up to help out. I really didn't need to know that. She could have just said he can't do it anymore, didn't need to go into all this detail about domestic abuse / arrest, etc. I do 100% believe it happened but still, I gave her "that look" and told her we don't even know if that's true - kids say the craziest stuff sometimes. She didn't get the hint, just kept going on about it.

I did a lot of volunteer work for the class. I knew this boyfriend - talked to him every day at school. He was very involved as a "dad". Around the time the kid said this, the "dad" stopped showing up when previously he was picking up the boy each day & seemed super involved. I sent him an email asking if we could switch our schedules. Never heard back. Prior to that, he would email me back right away. Something was up. I ran into him at the grocery store. He had the most terrified look in his eye. Nervous laughter, looked like he wanted to run away. Didn't want to answer when I asked where he's been. I looked at his G+ account and saw has moved so I guess they broke up. Now the kid is in our new class again. He's a real problem child. Gee, I wonder why.  :( What's weird is, the day I met him a year ago, I went home & told Mr. SoCal that this guy gives me the creeps. He tried way too hard to project a "good guy" / Father of the Year image but it  comes off saccharine sweet. "Thou doth protest too much."

I'm also concerned if I did tell the mom, maybe she would beat the kid. I don't want to put the boy in danger.

Btw, parents, as a room helper I have to tell you, every single thing that goes on in your home is discussed at school by your lower-grade child. I've only come across maybe 1 kid who hasn't divulged private info. The teachers hear so much and so do the parent volunteers. Frightening, isn't it?  :)
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aren't you doing exactly what you said the teacher shouldnt have done by posting everything on the internet?
 
rkp said:
aren't you doing exactly what you said the teacher shouldnt have done by posting everything on the internet?
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I get what you're saying but to answer the question, no, I don't believe so. I had time to think about this before posting. The folks here have no clue who I'm talking about. The teacher named names, told me exactly which student / family this is.
 
nosuchreality said:
SoCal said:
I'm also concerned if I did tell the mom, maybe she would beat the kid. I don't want to put the boy in danger.
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What would possibly make you say that?
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nosuchreality said:
SoCal said:
I'm also concerned if I did tell the mom, maybe she would beat the kid. I don't want to put the boy in danger.
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What would possibly make you say that?
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Well, like I said, the boy is a "problem child". He punches other kids in the stomach and hits other kids at school. He's been exposed to domestic violence at home and I wonder what else goes on to make him react this way. Perhaps he's imitating what's been done to him. The mother seems like a young('ish), struggling single mom. Wouldn't be surprised if she's stressed out or hasn't developed the tools for effective parenting. The boy is a real handful. Maybe he'd only get whooped with a belt (that's still no fun from my childhood recollection) or maybe worse.
 
I keep getting error messages, losing posts. So frustrating. Will try to re-type again. Anyway.

Back to rkp: Intention matters. My intention was to figure out how to best help this lady. It sounded like the teacher's intention was to shame the family among their peers. (She is one of those women with a "man hater" personality in general.) I don't have a group of friends to talk to outside the community so I came here because I consider some of you friends. I feel bad for this lady having to deal with that and now this. I was hoping to solicit a female's opinion (trace, CZ...) or, I guess, any of you men who have been a victim of abuse at the hands of your wife - not likely. I was only looking for constructive comments. That's fine if you don't like my post, feel free not to - but I'm comfortable with it because I know what's in my heart.

I think the topic is also relevant to the parenting thread. All schools that I know of technically say the parent volunteers must fill out a form and submit it to the office before stepping foot in the classroom. I'd have to go look for a refresher but I believe they do a background check. I remember I had to pay for some kind of check done on myself so I could help out. However, the schools I've been to let also break the rules by letting the parents help before the reports even come back - way before. I asked the office about that. The secretary was like, "SHHHHH. We don't wait for the reports to come back." Nice. So you have people who may have a record being around the children.
 
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