Straw Poll: Do you have a gay family member ?

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SoCal78, that is some valid information. Gender Identity issues usually mean the child feels as if they are a member of the opposite sex....but that ultimately still leads them to be gay.



I sometimes wished I was a boy growing up. I was more comfortable in my brother's hand me downs, than any of the frilly things my Mom made for me. But I grew out of that stage in high school.



The term used is Transgender. Trans and gay are indeed two separate situations, but like I said...both will still be gay.
 
Regarding the kid-play... I was just thinking - it's kind of hard these days to define what are girls' toys and what are boys' toys in the first place. When I was a child, playing in the kitchen or feeding a babydoll were considered girls activities. Last time I visited my son's class there were boys playing in the pretend-kitchen imitating some chef (Tyler Florence) they'd seen on Food Network. Also these days men are more involved than ever in the care-taking of their infants and children. Both of those activities are now perfectly acceptable "manly" things to do with really no bearing on their identity in later life.



Troop, aren't there some lesbians who are very feminine? (I think the term is "lipstick lesbian"?? Sorry if that is archaic or not P.C. - it's the last term I've heard used.) I wonder if those such lesbians grew up indeed playing with girls' toys and enjoying frilly things.
 
Yes, there are plenty of "lipstick" lesbians <a href="http://images.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/20070225/293.dirossi.portia.022507.jpg">Portia Di Rossi</a> but I have no idea what kind of toys they played with. The term is fine and not offensive.
 
[quote author="SoCal78" date=1223889118]To the 2 above comments... I'm no expert on this, but I learned on Oprah that "gender identity" is a separate issue from "sexual identity". One is not necessarily an indication of the other. Also kids often like to do imaginative play involving both roles and often like to play with "opposite sex" toys with no "meaning" attached. Just something to think about. As a parent, I let my kids choose the toys they want to play with. They tend to gravitate towards boyish toys (they are boys) but if they like to play with girls things I think it's fine. (I.e. My 5 year old loves the color blue. Then one day he announced his favorite color had changed to pink. Ok, fine. Next week it was blue again. I don't think parents should draw any conclusions based on what a young kid likes to play with or is interested in.) Btw when I was a little girl I wanted to grow up and be one of three things: Barbara Mandrell / one of the Mandrell sisters (I hope I'm not dating myself), a stewardess, or a cowboy (yes cowboy not cowgirl.) LOL. My cowboy interests were no indication of the path my life took. Just an example.</blockquote>
SoCal, I only listed two examples. There are many!

Troop, his father is coming around a bit. I've had my husband (his brother) talk to him and tell him that no one cares except him. We only want our nephew (Anthony) to be happy and know that he is loved. His father used to make comments in front of his son, but I have noticed that he has stopped doing that. I'm not sure he has accepted it, but at least he's not protesting it (it's a start).

I'll be with them in December, and I'll see how he interacts with Anthony.
 
<em>His father used to make comments in front of his son</em>



My Mom used to do that too. I still remember them, 30 years later.



He is doing irreparable damage whether he realizes it or not, please urge him to stop and direct him to PFLAG for people that he can talk to....people that feel the same way he does and are not sure what to do about it. He can just read online if he wants to also.



<a href="http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid;=-2">Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays</a>



And so far the poll indicates that 15 bloggers do have (or think they have) gay family members and 21 do not. Those numbers sound about right.



There are a lot more of us out there then you think, most of us just hide fairly well.
 
[quote author="tmare" date=1223886245]I also have a friend whose 5 year old boy already seems to be gay. His preferences for only "girl" things and clothing have been very troublesome for his parents. I'm not sure exactly how I would handle this. Does anyone else have any views about how you deal with sexual orientation in children? What is the best way to handle a situation such as this without leaving a child in some way scarred?</blockquote>


I had a very good friend who was gay (he has since passed away). He told me that [as early as 5 years old] he knew was "different" from other boys. He liked girly things and was much more sensitive than other boys. His brother was also gay. His father was ex-military and was not sensitive to this behavior at all and tried to make a "man" out of him. It scarred him immensely and he never really was comfortable with who he was. I personally think that (for the most part) someone who is truly "gay" is born that way, pure and simple. Nature, nature, nature. I think sometimes things go awry hormonally when a child is in-utero and the result is a gay or lesbian child.



Typically, a parent's instincts are correct. Today, I think there is something called "gender counseling" for young kids. I think your friend should look into this, but not make it seem like there is something "wrong" with the child. At least the counselor will be able to give the parent a better idea of what the parent is dealing with and how to make life easier for their child.



Good luck.
 
[quote author="25w100k+" date=1223803468][quote author="Trooper" date=1223795883]I think you just wanted to add the link. But that's ok.



I bet I know more of these "ex-gays" than you do. Ultimately, they are tortured souls who beat themselves up over who they are. Most revert back to who they were supposed to be in the first place.</blockquote>


Do you think its not possible to be 'bi' then? I mean, in the ancient world (greece etc.) wasn't almost everyone bi? :-)</blockquote>


Re my best friend from college in our college years:

1st year: he tells me he loves girls

2nd year: he tells me he likes men 25%, women 75%

3rd year: he tells me he likes men 50%, women 50%

4th year: he tells me he likes men 75%, women 25%

5th year (I graduated already, he was on the 5 yr plan): he tells me he is gay. This experience and things I have read tell me there is no such thing as bi-sexual.

I read that ancient Greeks and Romans didn't have any problems with homosexuality because they were hedonists and had no problem with sex for its social/political/entertainment value. Our current concept of homosexuality as something negative was brougt to Europe by the early Christians who believed people have a divine duty to reproduce so they frowned on any sex for nonreproductive purposes.
 
[quote author="ventouxbob" date=1223802374][quote author="Trooper" date=1223786714]I'm just curious. This is anonymous.</blockquote>


what do you mean by family?



siblings direct family.

uncles and aunts on parents side.

cousins twice removed?



how many degrees of separation??



anyhow. My very close friend who I knew when I was 12 1980. he Is gay and I don't care.



I was in his wedding party when he was still in the closet (he married a women)in 1994



Then he was in my wedding party out of the closet. 2006. and he brought his boy friend to the wedding.



I think the point of your question may be who knows a gay.



BTW my gay friend has 2 sisters. 1 is gay also. ??? Nature or Nurture??</blockquote>




Married a women did he? WTF kind of English are we speaking here? WOMAN not WOMEN. Unless he married multiple women in which case my theory about you would be utterly proved.
 
I guess I'll open another can of worms. A family member is marrying an "ex-lesbian" this summer. Is there such a thing? She lived a lesbian lifestyle for most of her 20's but is now marrying a man. She is in her early 30's. Of course, there is a lot I could add to this regarding the circumstances, but I am curious about the opinions of a few on this blog.
 
[quote author="tmare" date=1223977596]I guess I'll open another can of worms. A family member is marrying an "ex-lesbian" this summer. Is there such a thing? She lived a lesbian lifestyle for most of her 20's but is now marrying a man. She is in her early 30's. Of course, there is a lot I could add to this regarding the circumstances, but I am curious about the opinions of a few on this blog.</blockquote>


I feel sorry for her. It makes me wonder why she decided to get married to a guy - is she doing this for family and friends, or really thinking she is an "ex?" There isn't really such a thing - you either are or you aren't.



Denial is a river in Egypt ;)
 
[quote author="Anon." date=1223981906][quote author="tmare" date=1223977596]I guess I'll open another can of worms. A family member is marrying an "ex-lesbian" this summer. Is there such a thing? She lived a lesbian lifestyle for most of her 20's but is now marrying a man. She is in her early 30's. Of course, there is a lot I could add to this regarding the circumstances, but I am curious about the opinions of a few on this blog.</blockquote>


I feel sorry for her. It makes me wonder why she decided to get married to a guy - is she doing this for family and friends, or really thinking she is an "ex?" There isn't really such a thing - you either are or you aren't.



Denial is a river in Egypt ;)</blockquote>


I don't know, I guess part of me thinks that maybe she wasn't a lesbian in the first place, maybe she was doing some experimenting and it led her to a certain place that she eventually didn't want to be. I really don't know but she and my family member have been together for years now so I guess I'm not one to question their choices, they seem happy. She has definitely been ostracized from her former group of friends. It's not like she denounced her former lifestyle as wrong or any of her family hadn't already accepted her as she was. It's just a bit mysterious to me.
 
[quote author="Trooper" date=1223961214]<em>His father used to make comments in front of his son</em>



My Mom used to do that too. I still remember them, 30 years later.



He is doing irreparable damage whether he realizes it or not, please urge him to stop and direct him to PFLAG for people that he can talk to....people that feel the same way he does and are not sure what to do about it. He can just read online if he wants to also.



<a href="http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid;=-2">Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays</a> </blockquote>
Every year I take my nieces and nephews to a cultural event that they normally wouldn't get to enjoy. It's our holiday gift to them instead of a toy that they will only play with for 3 months. One year I took Anthony and his sister to see the Nutcracker. Well, Anthony really enjoyed the play, and he danced and twirled around for months on end while listening to the CD. His father didn't appreciate it, and still makes comments to me to this day. I guess in his mind I'm helping Anthony "turn gay."



I'll check out that link you provided and figure out a way to approach his father. It's a fine line because I don't want to get his father mad at me either. He'll just tell me to mind my own business.
 
Troop, my husband also has an employee that we know is gay but hides it. Of course, it is his right to hide the fact that he is gay if he wants to. But he always talks about his "wife" and goes into great detail about her work in LA, etc. He calls her Erica, even though I've found out for a <u>fact</u> that it's really Eric.



Now, I don't mind that he's gay; however, he keeps trying to "trap" my husband into gay bashing. He must make at least one comment or a joke a week about gay people. My huband always just responds with "who cares if someone is gay - it's 2008." My husband is also careful not to laugh at those jokes. He just changes the subject. I don't know if he's trying to trap my husband so he can sue the company or not. This tactic is getting old though. My husband has to bite his tongue not to reveal the fact that he knows he is gay, and he hasn't told any other co-workers out of respect for this guy.



Or maybe he's just trying to see what sort of reaction he gets out of my husband.
 
Like I said on the other thread, I gotta get some sleep. Will respond back tomorrow.



CalGal....that's not so unusual, believe it or not. "Beards".
 
I need to change my vote. Found out over the weekend that a cousin is gay. I had recently begun to wonder, so I wasn't shocked. I'm glad, because I was told years ago that her mother was lamenting about how her daughter would never get married because she doesn't believe in marriage. Being a lesbian is a much more positive explanation. I think my aunt just told my mom that because, as she told me yesterday, she's afraid of my parents' reaction to the truth about her daughter. She knows I don't really care that my cousin is gay, and my cousin was okay with me knowing because she knew I wouldn't judge her. I said to my aunt, "Nah, it's really not a big deal to me. I mean, I have a degree in the arts!" What's more important is that my cousin just started as an OB/GYN intern and is a freakin' genius. She is saving lives and I hope my family sees that instead of her "gayness". My cousin told me that she will probably come out to the rest of the family pretty soon (one other uncle and his family already knows). I wish her luck and I'll do my best to support her.
 
<em>my cousin just started as an OB/GYN intern</em>



o m g ......I can just hear the minds spinning ! ;)



Good for you Cayci for being supportive. I know my parents were ashamed and didn't tell anyone....maybe once the aunt starts hearing "who cares", she'll feel better too.
 
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