Straw Poll: Do you have a gay family member ?

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My uncle is an <a href="http://www.pfox.org/index.html">ex-gay</a> but it's not listed as one of the options so I wasn't sure which box to check.
 
Oh honey.... <a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2000/octoberweb-only/53.0.html">there's no such thing.</a>
 
In a way, it seems like you're saying one man's experiences accounts for everyone's... except I know you would not think that. Neither one of us have walked a mile in an ex-gay's shoes. I was genuinely hoping to reply to the poll with my honest answer and included the link just in case someone isn't aware of this group of people just as I wasn't aware of it at first. Thanks for making the poll. Sincerely, SoCal78
 
I think you just wanted to add the link. But that's ok.



I bet I know more of these "ex-gays" than you do. Ultimately, they are tortured souls who beat themselves up over who they are. Most revert back to who they were supposed to be in the first place.
 
[quote author="Trooper" date=1223786714]I'm just curious. This is anonymous.</blockquote>


what do you mean by family?



siblings direct family.

uncles and aunts on parents side.

cousins twice removed?



how many degrees of separation??



anyhow. My very close friend who I knew when I was 12 1980. he Is gay and I don't care.



I was in his wedding party when he was still in the closet (he married a women)in 1994



Then he was in my wedding party out of the closet. 2006. and he brought his boy friend to the wedding.



I think the point of your question may be who knows a gay.



BTW my gay friend has 2 sisters. 1 is gay also. ??? Nature or Nurture??
 
[quote author="Trooper" date=1223795883]I think you just wanted to add the link. But that's ok.



I bet I know more of these "ex-gays" than you do. Ultimately, they are tortured souls who beat themselves up over who they are. Most revert back to who they were supposed to be in the first place.</blockquote>


Do you think its not possible to be 'bi' then? I mean, in the ancient world (greece etc.) wasn't almost everyone bi? :-)
 
[quote author="ventouxbob" date=1223802374]



BTW my gay friend has 2 sisters. 1 is gay also. ??? Nature or Nurture??</blockquote>


I had a friend whose extended family participated in a study (several years ago) on this very question. There were several members of her family who were gay or lesbian.



It was concluded that the answer is probably nature.



Also - there was a true story about twin brothers, David and Brian Reimer. A book was written about them - As Nature Made Him: The Boy who was Raised as a Girl. The simple version - they both had circumcisions; one was screwed up badly. After surgery, the mother was told to raise that child as a girl, and David was renamed Brenda. Needless to say, there were many problems with the whole idea, and the child was very unhappy and felt confused. There were also ethical problems with the doctor over the years.



As a teen, he found out the story from his mother about what happened to him; he started to dress as a boy and felt more "normal." He ended up marrying a woman who already had children and seemed happy, but was plagued by depression over the years and finally committed suicide. Very sad. But, to answer your question, nurture didn't work in this case.



Here's a link to the story of <a href="http://slate.msn.com/id/2101678/">David Reimer</a>. And <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer">Wikipedia</a>, too.
 
I don't have any gay family members but for some reason last night I was thinking about a few of the guys I knew in high school who always aroused suspicion that they were gay. As it turns out, all of them were gay. One came out in high school and the rest lived tortured lives until they finally came out anywhere between their early 20's up until the age of 40. I wonder when the time will come that we all just accept people for who they are instead of ridiculing them during the time in their lives when they are most fragile. I guess it's really up to those of us who are parents.
 
Thank you for the responses.



<em>I guess it?s really up to those of us who are parents</em>.



You are correct. It all starts with you...... 'nuff said.



Anon. I've heard that story before. Shocking to think that just because the boy lost his penis, they thought they could make him a girl. It's all about your genetic markers, what's within you, not what's outside. That's why I think the whole ex-gay movement will do more damage than good. I mean, to me it's like and ex-black movement. Just ridiculous and psychologically damaging.



I suppose there will come a time when this is all a moot point. But it will have come on the shoulders of suicide, grief and trauma suffered by people like me....at the hands of people like some of you. SOME of you...not the vast majority of you. But the few can do much damage. Organized religion especially.



SoCal78, I feel badly for your uncle. He will never be a happy man regardless of his outside appearance. I would bet money that he is still his true self when no one else is looking. If you love him, you should encourage him to do just that. Set your religion aside.



Regarding bisexuality. I've heard that said before...about Greece.....but from my experience, you are either one or the other. I only have gay friends and have actually never met a true bisexual. Coincidence ?



Ventotux- yes, I only want the poll to include direct family members. Parents (yes, I said parents), siblings, aunts, uncles and let's limit it to first cousins.



In my family, on my father's side there are four of us cousins. 2 out of 4 of us are gay. 50 %. Coincidence?
 
[quote author="Trooper" date=1223820712]

Regarding bisexuality. I've heard that said before...about Greece.....but from my experience, you are either one or the other. I only have gay friends and have actually never met a true bisexual. Coincidence ?

</blockquote>


erhm, you don't have any straight friends? (or did you mean you only have straight/gay friends, no bi friends). :-)



And I realized I haven't answered the question, no I don't have any gay family members. My gay friends I actually met...at church (believe it or not...)
 
Thanks for pointing that out 25w....what I meant to say is that I don't have any bi-sexual friends. I've heard of them, but not met any....ok, maybe one. From my experience, it's one or the other.



I love all you straight people ! I accept you for who you are and embrace you and support your right to marry ! ;)



And yes, many of us are G-d fearing folk. I just don't count myself amongst them.
 
- ok troop well There are no gay people on my side of the Family



-my wifes aunt came out of the closet 2 years ago. after an affair with a women, she was married 2 kids ages 17 & 14.

Im not sure how her Family is taking it. she has only her 6 siblings still alive.



It does not bother me i think she is nice befor and nice now.
 
ventoux,



Thank you for sharing. This is my thought process....she has probably been gay all her life, but just didn't know how to deal with it. As she got older, and started thinking about "is this all there is?", she finally acted on her feelings. In my book, she was probably gay from birth...but not sure that's what you want to hear.



I have many friends who got married because that was "the thing to do" in their era. They are now in their 60's and finally living the life the always should have. The only thing that concerns me is the children, and their struggle to understand what happened to their parent. That's a tough situation and I empathize with them. After all, they have only been taught that a family means a mother and a father, not two moms or two dads.



It's an ongoing struggle.
 
My mom's cousin was gay, but my mom never knew until after Alice died last year. Someone told her and she was surprised We all knew without being told and had told my mom on several occasions, but she didn't believe it because 65 years ago when they were teens Alice dated boys. My mom was actually really hurt that Alice never told her. My mom is 81 and it didn't bother her one bit other than the fact that Alice never told her. Alice was never close to her brothers, in fact there was a huge dispute when her mom died. It didn't dawn on me until now that her being gay may have been the reason? I always thought the other cousins were just greedy jerks, but maybe they are greedy homophobic jerks?



Hearing your story Troop made me realize how hard it must have been on Alice. She was a teenager during WWII and my mom's family were all conservative WASPs. My mom will be voting no on prop 8 and voting for a black man, we've come a long way baby!
 
I have an 11-year old nephew that I believe is gay. His father is having a difficult time dealing with it. I think he's embarrassed by the idea of having a gay son. No one else in the family cares, we just want my nephew to be happy. They live in New Hampshire, and unfortunately I don't think people in New Hampshire are as open about this idea as other parts of the country.
 
I also have a friend whose 5 year old boy already seems to be gay. His preferences for only "girl" things and clothing have been very troublesome for his parents. I'm not sure exactly how I would handle this. Does anyone else have any views about how you deal with sexual orientation in children? What is the best way to handle a situation such as this without leaving a child in some way scarred?
 
My nephew has been caught a few times dressing up in his sister's clothes.

He also spends a half an hour blow drying and straightening his sister's hair out every morning before school. :coolhmm:
 
To the 2 above comments... I'm no expert on this, but I learned on Oprah that "gender identity" is a separate issue from "sexual identity". One is not necessarily an indication of the other. Also kids often like to do imaginative play involving both roles and often like to play with "opposite sex" toys with no "meaning" attached. Just something to think about. As a parent, I let my kids choose the toys they want to play with. They tend to gravitate towards boyish toys (they are boys) but if they like to play with girls things I think it's fine. (I.e. My 5 year old loves the color blue. Then one day he announced his favorite color had changed to pink. Ok, fine. Next week it was blue again. I don't think parents should draw any conclusions based on what a young kid likes to play with or is interested in.) Btw when I was a little girl I wanted to grow up and be one of three things: Barbara Mandrell / one of the Mandrell sisters (I hope I'm not dating myself), a stewardess, or a cowboy (yes cowboy not cowgirl.) LOL. My cowboy interests were no indication of the path my life took. Just an example.
 
It sounds like you both may have gay nephews....oh my gosh, it's such an important time to let them know they are loved. CalGal, your nephew will sense his father's shame. Time to get educated....



Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays - PFLAG. Here's a link to the <a href="http://www.pflag.com/pages/0022.html#stats">San Diego Chapter.</a> Check out some of the sobering statistics.



PM me if you want to talk in real time. I used to do educational trainings in local high schools.



Here's a link to PFLAG's <a href="http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid;=-2">main website. </a> There are lots of resources for parents....there's an online booklet, "I think my son or daughter is gay. What do I do."



This is a very hard topic to talk about with families, but it must be done.
 
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