Design of Panda at Age 1 in South Korea.
사랑 디자인: 아빠의 일기장 ( My Father's Journal ) - Matthew 17:20
Written by Panda's Dad: (Translated from Korean to English)
On September 17th, 1984, one day after my surgery I noticed that a couple of the visitors had left a Bible next to my hospital bed, probably intentionally. I thought. One of the church members had told me that to get to know God I had to read the Bible. There were no shortcuts, he said.
So I got serious. Here was my thought process:
First, I had nothing better to do, lying there in my hospital bed. And second, if there was a God, as I had come to understand in St. Louis the previous year. I figured I'd better start relying on him because my health situation was too serious not to rely on somebody. Third I didn't know how to pray. Fourth, I didn't know whether Jesus was God and I didn't care. So to get to know him, I had to read the Bible. I started to reading in the beginning of the New Testament with the book of Matthew. The Old Testament didn't hold any interest for me.
For the three weeks I remained in the hospital I read the Bible constantly. I thought about my past. I thought about why I had been given my life back. There had to be a reason.
About two weeks after the surgery, I was allowed to walk out onto the hospital's park like grounds. It was one of those sweet springs days when anyone's mood takes a flight. Everything was so beautiful. Bright sun, blue sky, big white clouds, trees and grass the freshest of green, bird song all around wherever one wandered.
I went to the center of the grounds and sat down next to a small stream that much have emptied into Lake Mendota in the distance. Even the sound of the water was magnificent. After a moment I lay down on the grass, stared at the blue sky and closed my eyes. When I reopened them after a few minutes a huge white cloud was crossing the sky.
Suddenly, unexpectedly, I could see visions in the cloud. I could see what looked like the face of Jesus. I could see his clothes. I could see what looked to be a church, although it may have been an illusion. I was mesmerized by this cloud. But how could it be giving me this vision? How could I see so many pictures in a short period of time? “Ah,” I began to think, “this is my Heavenly Father trying to show me a Vision, a Future, a Dream. This is my heavenly Father trying to tell me you have truly been born into a new life.
For several months afterwards, I believed this was the moment I received the Holy Spirit into my life. But eventually I learned in the Bible that the Spirit takes up residence inside you at the same time Jesus does and for me that had to be at the first faith service in St. Louis.
Nevertheless, this experience on the grounds was so vivid and lasting – it took about two hours – that I knew I had to make a new commitment to my heavenly father. And so I knelt down there on the grass and promised I would devote my life to him and do his business from then on. “God, I said, “from now on I will live for you, I will glorify your name. After all, you saved my life. Therefore I will rely on your from now on. I promise I will never leave you. Please help me and guide me. I want to live in your shade.”
Finally, this hospital interlude that meant so much to me at the time and still does, came to an end when there was a call from a nurse who had come searching for me. “Come, you can’t stay there too long.” She said.
I don’t know whether I’ve kept all my promises these 20 years. I still struggle with personal relationships, with gentleness, with listening to God’s voice. I can be short with people and be headstrong. But I do know that God is still good to me with my shortcomings. And after all I have been through with my health, in my business, and in my ministry. I know that I have come a very long way from home as a little boy in South Korea.