RC - thanks for your post. I understand how taxing it is. I voted "single income, multiple kids" in your poll. When we had our first baby, we moved to Chino and I became a stay at home mom. Our motivation for moving there was that it was less expensive than orange county. At first my husband worked in Huntington Beach (Boeing) and commuted. He left in the early mornings and I didn't see him again until night time. Yes, I hear what you say - it is draining for everybody. We had no help from friends or family at all so it was all on me, all day every day and on him. Then he worked in Irvine and it became a better commute via the toll road but still didn't see him all day. We had a second baby. The idea to stay home was a no-brainer for us. It is all I ever wanted growing up and once I had the baby I knew that he belonged with me to take care of him and frankly I could not imagine not seeing him all day and leaving him in someone else's full-time care. It was worth any sacrifice to be able to take care of our baby. Also with the job I had just prior to kids and looking at what our expenses would have been with full-time childcare and the other expenses of working (gas, taxes, clothes, picking up dinners, etc) it would have gobbled up just about everything I made so it was not worth it and it was a further commute than my husband's. It is great not having to worry who is going to take the day off when the baby is sick or when you have to work over-time. As years went on, our expenses did not increase but our income did so then we were living way below our means and pocketed the difference. The five years I spent in Chino taught me that you can be happy living outside of the O.C.! The trade-off might be the drive for the commuter in your family. What city do you work in?
Sorry but I do not understand what you mean about sleep-training the baby to not be awake for more than 2 hours (in the daytime?) What's that all about? I have read a lot of parenting stuff and never heard this. I think it is awesome that you are such a good husband and dad.... but maybe your wife could use a helping hand with another support system too. There is something called Mom's Club that has local chapters just about everywhere. Maybe she would like this.
We are still basically on one income although I recently went to work part-time, minimal hours, in early mornings when the boys are still sleeping so then I get home and I am still full-time mom too. (I will return to work when my little one goes to school but we will never make our finances hinge on two incomes, only one. This is our rule set in stone.) My husband still works, of course. I am grateful that we have the opportunity of even entertaining the idea of buying anything in this area on one income. But it has been 10 years of saving, no vacations, and other cost-cutting. You have to have a plan and stick to it. It is not going to happen over night. Develop a strategy and it will work out. Best wishes for you.
