Parents, WWYD?

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socal78

socal78

Well-known member
If you see school kids (2 brothers, a 3rd grader & a 4th grader) crossing a curvy, fairly busy road from corner to sidewalk (not at a crosswalk) would you be the bad guy and butt-in & tell their parents? I've told these kids half a dozen times to cross at the crosswalks where there are crossing guards after school. But no, they want to take a short-cut 'cause it's too long to go around. Their parents do not supervise them like EVER. They let them run wild. One has already been hit by a car on his bike. They are also our neighbors. I don't know the parents well enough to know how they would react. I know I don't like people butting in and telling me what to do with my kids but mine ain't runnin' the streets. So, what would you do?? I just told them right now to go tell their parent as soon as they see them what they did today - almost got hit by a UPS truck just now, holding up traffic, standing in the middle of the street.

And btw, I do not for a second believe they will follow through and tell their dad. They always use the "I forgot" excuse when I catch them crossing at unsafe places after I warned them repeatedly.

The dad is at home "working from home so he can't watch them" is what he says(!) and the mom is at the office. Well if he can't watch them maybe he should find somebody who could. The mom does seem extremely nice. Too nice. I've even wondered if she's dosed up on Zoloft. That's a story for another day...

Am I overprotective? Heck, yes. I know I am!! I'd rather be safe than sorry. I do think it would be crazy if a parent never let their 16 year old cross the street by himself. That's too over protective. But I think these kids need more supervision! They can get hurt. Unfortunately, I can't make their mom & dad be better parents.  ???
 
irvinehomeowner said:
Send the parents an anonymous letter about what they are doing.
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You mean like type it up, print it out so they can't send it to the lab for a handwriting analysis, and slip it under their door? What if I get caught at the door?

I was thinking of sending an email. So, you  mean like creating an anonymous account then sending it. A wee bit creepy?
 
Remind me again, why did you move out of Irvine where we bubble wrap our kids and NEVER let them walk to school?
Kidding aside, I would tell the mom. She seems to care, and also takes the thought off your mind. Next time yell at the kids so that they cross the street legally just to avoid embarrassment ??
 
SoCal said:
irvinehomeowner said:
Send the parents an anonymous letter about what they are doing.
Click to expand...

You mean like type it up, print it out so they can't send it to the lab for a handwriting analysis, and slip it under their door? What if I get caught at the door?

I was thinking of sending an email. So, you  mean like creating an anonymous account then sending it. A wee bit creepy?
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leave a cake at the door step with icing of SUV with a masked driver.... what are they called? darth vaders? and write "your kids are flirting with danger"..
 
I can't tell if the anonymous thing is a joke or not.  :'( Be straight with me, Iho. I need your help.
 
I'm serious, send them an anonymous letter:

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Talk to the parents, and if it seems appropriate bring up the issue.  Your "radar" should guide you on whether you should broach the topic with the parents...let them know this is strictly a safety issue, maybe they really are in the dark?  Don't leave notes.
 
Cubic Zirconia said:
Remind me again, why did you move out of Irvine where we bubble wrap our kids and NEVER let them walk to school?
Kidding aside, I would tell the mom. She seems to care, and also takes the thought off your mind. Next time yell at the kids so that they cross the street legally just to avoid embarrassment ??
Click to expand...

Yeah, that's what I just did. I pulled over, rolled the window down. They KNEW what I was about to say. They started screaming / laughing and running away like it's some kind of big joke to them. I chewed them out pretty good. If that was mine, their ass is grass!

They also barge into my house a lot without asking, run into the game room I've set up, slam the door and start turning on the Wii, computer, etc. but won't interact with my kids, just want to use their equipment. They also eat me out of house and home. Every time, they're asking for 2nd and 3rd helpings of strawberry milk, croissants, brownies, sandwiches, popsicles, anything I make them, etc, etc! Mine like the kids (and actually I do, too) so I try to be nice about it to help them make friends. But, for example, mine have a strict snack cut-off time of 3:30 p.m. These kids don't have a snack cut-off time! The dad says, "Oh, that's a good idea.  They raid the fridge from the moment they get home until all the way until dinner time. Then they won't eat dinner." COME ON! It's sad 'cause I think it's out of boredom and the dad just lets them run wild because he can't be bothered.  :( They're both on the heavier side. One is pretty tubby. Nobody monitoring him.  :( Well, I don't give them everything they ask for. Also, one time that dad didn't come over to forcibly get them out of my game room for 5 hours! They won't just go home if you ask. Even when the dad gets to my place, they barely flinch. Then the dad saying he's busy working so he can't watch them. RIIIGHT. But he sure smelled like smoke when he got here. I think he was enjoying the alone time. Oh yeah, and one fed my fish a whole bunch of fish food. It was all floating all over the top of the water like there was a big spill. My son told him not to feed the fish. (The fish doesn't eat much then it just pollutes the water.) Well the kid did it anyway. Mine would never do that without asking, geez. These kids know no bounds. So obviously I'm frustrated about more than just the crossing the street thing. There is obviously a real lack of supervision. I don't think it's THEIR fault. They're just kids. Boys will be boys. And they can be sweet kids. The parents just need to step it up!!!

/ Rant
 
I'd say something to the parents. You can preface it with something like, "I don't mean to butt in, but I'd want to know if it were my kid..." etc. I think they'd appreciate knowing. If not, at least you said your piece. And think about how horrible you'd feel if something happened and you never said anything. :(

I don't think you need to send an anonymous letter. The worst that could happen is that they'll think you're a buttinski neighbor. No biggie. Save the anonymity for what it's meant for: trolling forums and stalking exes on the internet.  :P
 
Hmm... if they know you, go into your house and eat your food without asking... then you should not let them until they listen to you about crossing the street.

NO SNACKS FOR YOU!!!
 
irvinehomeowner said:
Hmm... if they know you, go into your house and eat your food without asking... then you should not let them until they listen to you about crossing the street.

NO SNACKS FOR YOU!!!
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LOL! NO SOUP FOR YOU!!
SoCal, just talk to the mom- she will tell the boys. I don't think she will mind you meddling since it's about the safety of her kids.
 
I am quite confused. 

I do think it's fairly overbearing for you to tell other people's children (especially if they are teenagers) where and when they can cross the street.

I do not, however, think that it is at all overbearing to tell those same children that they are not allowed into your house because they are being rude and not following your rules.  In fact, you have every right to do so and if their parents do not like it, tough.

I am just confused on how we went from one scenario to the other. 
 
irvinehomeowner said:
Hmm... if they know you, go into your house and eat your food without asking... then you should not let them until they listen to you about crossing the street.

NO SNACKS FOR YOU!!!
Click to expand...

Yeah, same exact thoughts here. I tried that one. Last time, the older boy begged me to make "the best and only(!) homemade brownies he's ever had  :( " again because I made them before. I told him I gladly will but, I'll only make them if he crosses the street where I said. He said okay. I thought that was too easy!!!

But then I caught them being unsafe again. So I told him no brownies!! Now he's just stopped asking for them. He's only been over 1x since then and took other food instead.  ::) This kid is a smooth-talker, I'm telling you. He's going to be a door-to-door salesman when he grows up. He'll be playing outside then say how hot it is and asks for a drink. Beg to come in to drink it 'cause he's burning up outside. Next thing you know, I'm making him chocolate milk and a sandwich. It's partly my fault for not being stricter with them. They've just started coming over to our house - probably like 3x now. I feel sorry for the boys not getting any attention. I mean, c'mon. Never had a real brownie before? Child abuse!  :'( I'm a big softie when it comes to taking care of boys 'cause that's all I know. But I'm also still getting to know them. Some kids if you give a little leeway they do okay, others not so much. Now at this point I've got a better feel for them only recently - as of a couple days ago.

Update: I just sent an email to the mother. I hardly know these people. Only seen the mom in person a few times. We are supposed to see them at a party next month. I sure hope this goes well.  :-\
 
Irvinecommuter said:
I am quite confused. 

I do think it's fairly overbearing for you to tell other people's children (especially if they are teenagers) where and when they can cross the street.

I do not, however, think that it is at all overbearing to tell those same children that they are not allowed into your house because they are being rude and not following your rules.  In fact, you have every right to do so and if their parents do not like it, tough.

I am just confused on how we went from one scenario to the other. 
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Oh, they're not teens. They are in 3rd & 4th grade.

I just sent the email. I am stressing about this. I basically said I don't mean to butt in, but... explained what I saw today and previous days. I said I simply want to know if she is aware and if she is, then fine by me. I don't like nosy people and I know others don't either. But I'd have an extremely hard time forgiving myself if something happened to them because I didn't say anything. And that if it was mine I'd want to be notified so that's why I'm writing. ... That's about it.

In the end, I'd rather have her give me the Stink Eye than have blood on my hands. So. I'm good.
 
Walk over, knock on door.  See if the kids crap their pants when they see you.

If they don't just look at whichever parent you see and say, "I hate butting in, but your kids almost got killed by the UPS truck because they're goofing off in the road today.  I''ll leave now, because I know you know and can handle it however you want."

If they ask any questions, expand on what you've been seeing.  If not, message delivered.  Darwin will handle the rest.


And if you want something more plausible deniability, just ask the local Police Officer to do the world  favor and tell him the UPS story and too scare the kids straight.


 
I retract my anonymous letter suggestion because I wasn't presented with all the information.

The first post indicated that the kids were just neighbors, not well known guests who visit your house frequently.

In that case, tell the parents straight up that you saw them almost get run over... and report it every single time you see it happen.
 
They're not well-known to me. That's why I thought barging in was kinda weird. That was only the 2nd time they'd been to the house. It's not like we're a close-knit group. My kids know them a lot better than I do since they see each other at school. I've only met the parents a few times. We're all still getting to know each other.

The mother wrote back. She was really nice about it. She even said we're invited to her kid's birthday. So, I guess that's a relief. Phew!! Now we'll see what they do about it. If nothing changes, then, I probably won't keep hounding the parents about it. But maybe I'll work on the boys. We'll see.

Thanks for all the suggestions!! I got many ideas from the posts and put them in my letter.
 
SoCal said:
irvinehomeowner said:
Send the parents an anonymous letter about what they are doing.
Click to expand...

You mean like type it up, print it out so they can't send it to the lab for a handwriting analysis, and slip it under their door? What if I get caught at the door?
Click to expand...

Bring a lemon pie, just in case... If they catch you, hand over the pie. All will be forgiven.
-IR2
 
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