"Joke Thread" Caution- NSFW-Not PC

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serious weapon_IHB

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I thought IHB could use a joke thread so here it is. I hope this could be a "Anything goes" thread. I love to laugh whether it's a wholesome clean joke or if it's at someone's misfortune. I'd love to hear any raunchy or low brow jokes that you all may have in your vault.



So for anyone easily offended, you've been warned. I think this is fair.



Anyway...





A pregnant woman gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am,you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother... he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name, guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew."
 
A couple in their 90's goes to court seeking a divorce. The judge asks them why they are doing this now... why they waited so long. They answer, "We were waiting for the kids to die."
 
So there were these three guys who were at sea, floating on a life raft. Once the raft finally made it to shore, the three men were taken prisoner by cannibals that lived on that island. So the natives take the prisoners to the chief. The chief tells his new prisoners, if you don't want to die a horrible and painful death, I want you three to go out in the jungle and pick 10 pieces of the same fruit. So the men get escorted to the jungle. The first guy returns to the chief with 10 apples. The chief says to the man, "I want you to shove all 10 pieces of fruit up your ass without making any facial expressions, if you do this, we will let you live and won't eat you". So the man takes and apple and puts one up his ass successfully without any facial expression, the 2nd one, he didn't have so much luck so they killed and started preparing him as a meal. So now the 2nd man returns with 10 cherries. The chief tells the 2nd the same thing as the 1st. So the man easily starts popping cherries up his ass. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... All of the sudden, the man laughs, upsets and offends the chief, they immediately kill him and prepare him for dinner as well. So now the 1st guy and the 2nd guy are in heaven, the first guy curiously asks the 2nd man, "Hey, I saw you down there and you almost escaped with your life, what happened?", the 2nd guy replies, "I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples".
 
Let's test if this thread is truly for "not PC" jokes





Why is PMS called PMS?



Because "Mad Cows Disease" was already taken...
 
[quote author="WINEX" date=1227267863]Let's test if this thread is truly for "not PC" jokes





Why is PMS called PMS?



Because "Mad Cows Disease" was already taken...</blockquote>


I thought you guys knew it stands for <strong>P</strong>utting up with <strong>M</strong>en's <strong>S</strong>h!t. :)
 
A pair of whales where swimming at sea when one of them recognized a whaling ship on the surface above them. The whale becomes very upset and tells the other that the boat above is the whaling ship that killed his parents. He wants revenge.



He says to the other whale, "lets move under the boat and release the air in our lungs. The turbulence will overturn the boat."



The other whale agrees, so they swim under the boat, and they expel the air from their lungs. The boat capsizes, and the sailors are thrown into the water.



The whale feels satisfied, but he wants more. He says to the other whale, "Let's kill those guys. We could chew them up and eat them."



The other whale thinks this is going too far. She says, "No. I went along with the blow job, but I am not going to swallow the sea men."
 
[quote author="IrvineRenter" date=1227270072]A pair of whales where swimming at sea when one of them recognized a whaling ship on the surface above them. The whale becomes very upset and tells the other that the boat above is the whaling ship that killed his parents. He wants revenge.



He says to the other whale, "lets move under the boat and release the air in our lungs. The turbulence will overturn the boat."



The other whale agrees, so they swim under the boat, and they expel the air from their lungs. The boat capsizes, and the sailors are thrown into the water.



The whale feels satisfied, but he wants more. He says to the other whale, "Let's kill those guys. We could chew them up and eat them."



The other whale thinks this is going too far. She says, "No. I went along with the blow job, but I am not going to swallow the sea men."</blockquote>


ROFL ROFL
 
Not a joke per se, but this guy is hysterical.



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A young redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.



"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."



She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.



The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead are you?"



She says, "No, I'm a blonde."



"That's what I thought," he says... "Your finger is broken."
 
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