Best. Brightest. And saddest.

[bones]

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/04/1...uni-best-brightest-and-saddest.html?referrer=

 

[irvinehomeshopper]

I don't doubt the Stanford influence compounded with not being the very best contributed to the thought of a life not worth living. The competition at Palos Altos is no different from Cupertino, Irvine or the Virginia fringes bordering DC's Georgetown University. All have high suicide mortalities of young adults. If you study carefully the suicide incidents all coincide with latter April when all college decisions are finalized. Common denominators are Asians, school pressure, rejection, academic achievers, upper income families and expensive tract suburbs.

The moral of the story is parents drilled their children to climb and never taught them the lessen of falling.

 

[qwerty]

this is why i will also take the IHO path and let kids be kids.  why have them be geniuses and unhappy/resentful when they can be happy doing something they really enjoy (although they could be poor as a result of this but still beats the alternative. my nephew does extra work pretty much daily in hollywood and finally got into SAG, he has been on pretty much every major network and cable show, has met a bunch of A list actors, he is as happy as can be, he hasnt achieved success by most people's measures on this board but he is very happy and that is really all that matters. 

ill try to teach my daughter the importance of an education and all that good stuff but ultimately she will do what she wants. 

for my fellow asian people, as an honorary asian, i feel it is my duty to let you guys know that this trait that you exhibit of pushing your kids to excel and that the only thing that matters is getting straight As and becoming a doctor/lawyer/engineer is crazy. why dont you back off and let your kids enjoy themselves, establish a relationship with them while they are young that will set a great foundation for you to enjoy each other the rest of your life vs spending every minute studying for the next bullshit test. lets be honest, regardless of how hard you push them they will still work for the man

apologies in advance for any generalization/stereotyping.

 

[Irvine Dream]

this is why i will also take the IHO path and let kids be kids.  why have them be geniuses and unhappy/resentful when they can be happy doing something they really enjoy (although they could be poor as a result of this but still beats the alternative. my nephew does extra work pretty much daily in hollywood and finally got into SAG, he has been on pretty much every major network and cable show, has met a bunch of A list actors, he is as happy as can be, he hasnt achieved success by most people's measures on this board but he is very happy and that is really all that matters. 

ill try to teach my daughter the importance of an education and all that good stuff but ultimately she will do what she wants. 

for my fellow asian people, as an honorary asian, i feel it is my duty to let you guys know that this trait that you exhibit of pushing your kids to excel and that the only thing that matters is getting straight As and becoming a doctor/lawyer/engineer is crazy. why dont you back off and let your kids enjoy themselves, establish a relationship with them while they are young that will set a great foundation for you to enjoy each other the rest of your life vs spending every minute studying for the next bullshit test. lets be honest, regardless of how hard you push them they will still work for the man

apologies in advance for any generalization/stereotyping.

The problem is we are all conflicted in what we want for us and our kids.  Qwerty, didn't you mention in one of your post about your goals making $X at age Y etc..  Unfortunately making $ at Age Y is kind of related to all this

 

[bones]

this trait that you exhibit of pushing your kids to excel and that the only thing that matters is getting straight As and becoming a doctor/lawyer/engineer is crazy. why dont you back off and let your kids enjoy themselves, establish a relationship with them while they are young that will set a great foundation for you to enjoy each other the rest of your life vs spending every minute studying for the next bullshit test. lets be honest, regardless of how hard you push them they will still work for the man

This is why I don't send my kids to IUSD schools 8)

 

[paperboyNC]

I expect my kids to have a good school/life balance. I don't want them going to ivy league schools. Wouldn't mind colleges on the UCLA level at all though

 

[qwerty]

The problem is we are all conflicted in what we want for us and our kids.  Qwerty, didn't you mention in one of your post about your goals making $X at age Y etc..  Unfortunately making $ at Age Y is kind of related to all this

yes i did post that. but that is because i was low income growing up and lived in a rural farming town and the only way i was going to make money and end the cycle was for me to get out of there by using my what little brains i had. that is what drove my thirst to make as much as possible as young as possible. i dont think the kids growing up in irvine are in the same boat i was growing up.  but now we are in a position where our kids will have a pretty good lifestyle and we will be in a position where we can help them financially throughout their lives. im not saying we will spoil them and just give them what they want, we will teach them the value of money. but i want them to live a happy life doing something they want vs being fueled by the need to make as much money as they can because there is no safety net and then they dont enjoy their life.  i chose my career path based on what would give me the best path to make the most money i could with my level of intelligence.  one of my strengths is acknowledging my weaknesses and i knew in college i was not smart enough to get into investment banking etc. it has worked out pretty well though. but if money wasnt an issue, id be working at the San Diego Zoo

 

[bones]

I expect my kids to have a good school/life balance. I don't want them going to ivy league schools. Wouldn't mind colleges on the UCLA level at all though

These are my favorite type of posts on TI. Why not? What if an Ivy gave them a full ride to go?  Why eliminate colleges when your kids are so young?  You have no idea what their potential is (or isn't).

 

[Irvine Dream]

I expect my kids to have a good school/life balance. I don't want them going to ivy league schools. Wouldn't mind colleges on the UCLA level at all though

These are my favorite type of posts on TI. Why not? What if an Ivy gave them a full ride to go?  Why eliminate colleges when your kids are so young?  You have no idea what their potential is (or isn't).

OK, lets say your kid is IVY smart and want to get into IVY, the reality is you most likely will have to work very, very  hard (unless of course you are a genius) and will have a different childhood than most of your peers.  As a parent if you think that is not good for your child, are you still going to encourage them to still achive the IVY dream or will you actively discourage them to attend a less competitive school so they can have a better chidlhood?

 

[sgip]

Appropriate topic for me. Had heard over the weekend that a Trabuco Hills High School kid took the quick way out. The student was in Soylent Blue's English class. Haven't heard the full story yet. Don't know if I will given how suprising it was to all. The shock still hasn't settled in.

Once they graduate - out of high school, not always into college - they can be just as fragile. Spoke with a co-worker on Monday about really nothing. Idle chit chat. He worked in another office about a mile from me.  Didn't show up on Wednesday. Found out Tuesday he pulled the rip cord, sailing off to parts unknown. Young, personable, well liked by those around him - a complete surprise at how fast the unwinding process was for this person.  Another shock to the system.

You never know.

 

[bones]

OK, lets say your kid is IVY smart and want to get into IVY, the reality is you most likely will have to work very, very  hard (unless of course you are a genius) and will have a different childhood than most of your peers.  As a parent if you think that is not good for your child, are you still going to encourage them to still achive the IVY dream or will you actively discourage them to attend a less competitive school so they can have a better chidlhood?

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to give up your childhood and be enrolled in 25 after school "activities" and "tutoring things" to get into an Ivy.  Because if that was the case, then wouldn't Irvine students dominate the Ivys?  Maybe I'm just a naive parent that knows nothing, but all I want for my kids in elem/middle school is for them to LIKE school and develop a passion for learning.  And as a parent, I'm responsible for providing them with an environment that will hopefully cultivate this.  I believe the rest will fall into place - be it Ivy, UCLA caliber, IVC, etc.  I most definitely don't have a "don't go to" college list and a "must get into" college list for them. 

 

[Irvine Dream]

OK, lets say your kid is IVY smart and want to get into IVY, the reality is you most likely will have to work very, very  hard (unless of course you are a genius) and will have a different childhood than most of your peers.  As a parent if you think that is not good for your child, are you still going to encourage them to still achive the IVY dream or will you actively discourage them to attend a less competitive school so they can have a better chidlhood?

Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to give up your childhood and be enrolled in 25 after school "activities" and "tutoring things" to get into an Ivy.  Because if that was the case, then wouldn't Irvine students dominate the Ivys?  Maybe I'm just a naive parent that knows nothing, but all I want for my kids in elem/middle school is for them to LIKE school and develop a passion for learning.  And as a parent, I'm responsible for providing them with an environment that will hopefully cultivate this.  I believe the rest will fall into place - be it Ivy, UCLA caliber, IVC, etc.  I most definitely don't have a "don't go to" college list and a "must get into" college list for them.

Well said.  This is what every parent should do.  I will save this post and and give it to my children so they don't make the mistakes I did.